I've found that de-centering men in my life has eliminated this worry. Men mostly want lesbians to "prove" they are gay for one of two reasons: 1) to get them to enact or at least evoke the male fantasy of lesbian sex for them to get off to or 2) by failing to "prove" their lesbianism, implicitly open the door to straight male advances.
Not sure this contributes anything to this thread or not lol. But here are the questions I would suggest asking yourself if you're confronted with this issue:
1. Why do I feel the need to prove anything to this person?
2. Do I feel safe right now? Is this person intentionally making me uncomfortable by asking invasive questions?
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