[DomnNC]

Originally Posted by Captain Franki

In the real world find it really hard being new to everything at 20 sometimes.

I feel like everyone else around me has known they were queer all their lives and already figured this shit out. I feel so ignorant and green, or a fraud even.

I don't know how to act and tell myself that everyone expects me to know everything, something.

I'm used to men. I'm used to the world of straight dating. I'm used to cismale bodies.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

It's like going through adolescence all over again.

Stop putting added pressure on yourself, chuckles. You'll have a little laugh over this perhaps and will see that WE all are always learning each and every day. I'm 53, I'm trans, I've known since I was 5 that I was a boy, I've also always knew from that point that I liked girls, but points to age, that was wayyyyy back many moons ago. I lived in a rural setting, at the time there was no internet, our little town newspaper was 2 pages on a good day, lol. So I was just me, always on the inside I was who I was. Back then going to school, physical females had to wear dresses/skirts to school, oh the many fights my mother and I had over getting dressed in the mornings. Once I got home off those girl clothes came and into my boy clothes, I hated it with a passion. I hated being treated like a girl because I simply was/am not one (not that there's anything wrong with girls/women at all, I happen to love women). It wasn't til 7th grade that girls could wear pants so every other day (compromise with my mama so she thought) I snuck out jeans and a t-shirt to change, on those days, til she finally gave up in the 8th grade. So where I lived out in the boonies I thought I was the only person like me (as far as trans I think there was perhaps one boy in school that was). I had my first real girlfriend in the 7th grade and then a few in high school. My mother caught me kissing my girlfriend when I was 18 and heading into the Army in 2 weeks, lol, so I didn't have to deal with the looks or questions that long. That doesn't mean they don't know about me because they do/did from that point on. I couldn't have asked for more supportive parents who taught me the real meaning of unconditional love. So I kinda learned things, many different things (so I thought) as the years went on.
Now admittedly I never socialized that much within the gay community because I wasn't accepted there, then I got married and we didn't do the bar scene or big group functions because we were both career people and simply didn't have the time. Free time was spent with our circle of friends and family.
Fastforward, most know my wife of 17 years was also my friend of 27 years. She passed away Nov 27th, 2007. So after a few years I finally was directed to this website by a friend Sept 2010.
I promise I'm getting to the point, ya just needed a lil background. The point is this when I joined this site it was somewhat of a culture shock to me, lol, I've never seen so many dang labels, abbreviations, single letters grouped together that apparently meant something to everyone else but me!
So I've kinda muddled along, looked things up, if I couldn't find what it meant I'd ask someone, lol. So I'm kinda like in the position you feel you are in now as I'm learning a whole new culture as well and I'm 53! So don't get disheartened, don't be afraid to ask about things, the only stupid question as they say are the unasked ones. You'll be learning all your life so don't put so much pressure on yourself. Just be who you are at the moment, we're all allowed to change and grow. To stop doing so would mean life would be stagnant and boring. Enjoy the lessons, take from them what you may and apply to your own life or disgard it. There's no template, we all walk our own paths. Good luck and have fun with life because you never know when it will end.