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Hey everyone, first post here! It’s going to be a long one too!

From the time that I was 8 years old I knew I was different. I got my first crush on a teacher of mine and didn’t really understand it at all. I didn’t know what liking your female teacher meant, it just WAS.

As the years progressed and I got a crush on my best friend and went through my junior high years, I wanted to explore. Being the big dork that I am, I got really into computers/browsing and started reading about GLBT people. I remember it being such a huge deal for Ellen Degeneres to come out and I always looked at my family for their opinions when a gay character/person would show themselves in the media. I wanted to get an understanding of what I had coming.

I started chatting sporadically in places like Gay.com/AOL because I knew no other GLBT people, or none that were out.

The first couple of years of high school were pretty lonely and the girl crushes kept on despite trying to fight the fact that I was gay. I didn’t want to feel so alone and different. I remember reading about a Coming Out stories book online and had to get it somehow. I ended up throwing the book away after I was finished reading because I didn’t want my parents to catch it in my room someday. Every once in a while, my own mother would ask me if I liked boys and of course I would never give her a straight answer. Thankfully the last couple of years of high school I met some friends that ended up coming out to me, I to them.

At 25 years old, I decided I would come out to my closest sibling. I ended up getting very emotional because up until then, I was only out to friends or co-workers. Family was a whole different experience. Through the years my Catholic family has said awful, derogatory things towards gay people. Another sibling of mine even mentioned that she would not allow a gay person around her kids. That was devastating to hear.
When we have get-togethers and the topic comes up, my close sister and I will argue until we’re blue in the face to try and get a positive response from them. It never happens. We don’t typically discuss our love lives, it’s almost like a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy throughout the family.

Now at 26, coming out entirely seems a little more possible everyday and I will continue to take baby steps. In the back of my mind, I believe my family is in some major denial and could possibly accept me. Then there’s that speck of doubt that scares me that I could lose them forever.

Without the great friends, Internet, or books I’m not sure what sort of direction my life would have gone. The resources we have readily available to us through the web are amazing and I too especially love the It Gets Better project!