[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Hack

I'm generally a private person -- one of those "taciturn Midwesterners," perhaps. I like to think I just come from stoic German stock. Anyway, there's one thing in this I want to respond to, if I may, because I live it every day.

You pose the question: I wonder if I could love someone unconditionally if they did not accept me for who I am as a Queer person?

Well, I do. My parents, but moreso my mother. I have a complicated relationship with my mother. She does not accept me as a queer person. She wants to know nothing about my private life, which causes me great grief around the holidays, which I dread more than anything. My mother is very Catholic. I grew up in a very old school, kind of Old World atmosphere, bookended by my father's German/WASPish family on one end, people incapable of expressing emotion of any kind; and my mother's Polish/Catholic family on the other end -- loud, raucuous, hard-drinking, guilt-riddled people. I grew up in a small town with no queer role model in sight. I love my mother. I respect her. She introduces me to people based on my job, and as her daughter, which draws curious looks from strangers. She struggles to acknowledge any girl I bring home...don't get me wrong -- she's polite, civil and will ask the basic questions of her ("What do you do for a living? Do you have siblings? Where did you grow up?"). But my mother never will be a PFLAG member. She will never call me by my chosen name. She would never attend a ceremony should I, god help me, ever want to be married. She never asks me if I am seeing someone. She never asks about my girlfriend when I have one. I grew up surrounded by men who treated their women like queens. I grew up respecting women. As I said, I respect my mother. I'm protective of her. I open doors for her when I am around her. I get angry when people show a lack of respect toward her.

But she has no respect for me and my life. But I love her. She's my mother.

And that's really all I want to say about that.

Jake

I'm really sorry for this Jake. I have a friend who struggles with this and adores his family but just can't get them to accept. They call him by his birth name, a girl and make comments about his clothes, etc. He wasn't invited to his sisters wedding unless he wore something appropriate. He didn't go.

My family has always accepted me. They accept my lovers as family and they are even still in touch with a few ex's. I'm very grateful for that.