[clay]

[COLOR="Blue"]My mom...I loved her..always...despite the fact she gave me away at age 8 for adoption, then wanted me back at age 13, as "more dependents for my Navy stepdad meant "more money"..so I spent 5 years, being raised like a military recruit. Subjected to verbal abuse, and physical..the "steel toe in the ass" kind, made to "fall out of the rack" at o dark thirty am for inspection" and many other forms of "discipline" for her "three bastards" ....and she stood silently by..saying well he DID take me and my 3 bastards and give us a place...excuse me, I am NOT a bastard, you were married to my daddy when I was born...that does NOT constitute a "bastard".
Anyway, once she found out I was gay, I was the outcast from the family! That was okay because I had friends and close folks who were ACTUALLY family! AND I was always loved..by someone...somewhere...
When she was diagnosed with Terminal Stage IV Bone/lung cancer, my two brothers said well YOU aqre the girl it is YOUR place to care for her. SO I was coming out of a bad relationship, so I sold my half of the home, sold my motorcycle, sold my motor home..and went "home" to care for her the last 3 months of her life...BY MYSELF! and I would do so again..I loved her..for to me, blood family love never dies... and just before she died, she said is there any way at all you would be "straight, sister? I said no ma'am, NOT an option. I was BORN this way, and I will DIE this way! I was holding her in my arms when she died, and I though wow..I came into this world in hers, and she left this world in mine...how ironic!
There is much more I could add...but it is not relevant..I loved her..unconditionally..she didn't me..plain and simple ..and I have moved on...it serves no one any good to hold a grudge, or to live in the past. I am a much stronger individual..I am capable of loving..in spite of..and I WANT to be this way! My life now is much different, I am even more stronger, and I have "let go...for to keep fighting an old issue gives it power, and if I give it power, it will last forever!!...This is for MYSELF alone...and works for ME alone...
Thanks for the "space" to write this...Clay{COLOR]