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Originally Posted by Linus
So are there any others out there? What do you do to make it work? How do you address distance, if it's an issue?
Share stories of success and not so successfuly poly relationships here.. and perhaps.. find others?  |
*Raises hand* Yup, I'm in that responsible non-monogamy category.
My primary partner and I started out with an open relationship, neither of us believing one person can (or should) completely fulfill the other.
FTR, we've been together over 25 years. The way we make it work is by communicating... a lot. By being honest about our desires, by deciding together what can be fulfilled outside and by respecting each others boundaries. We also have agreements we can both live with. Those agreements have changed over time, but then again, so have we.
There are things she wants that I'm piss-poor at, why shouldn't she get that fulfilled in a meaningful way instead of the grudgingly half-assed way I'd probably handle it. And vice-versa, I have needs/wants that she's not into.
I lean toward having an other-significant-other who fulfills a good portion (or all) of BDSM needs/desires; While that OSO relationship is based in BDSM (play and sex) it is romantic as well.
BTW, I use other-significant-other because I dislike the term 'secondary'.
There are also a few play partners in my life. They're friends first, with the occasional foray into SM. Almost all of my play partners have a primary relationship as well. These relationships work because we're friends and look out for one another.
To me successful means we're able to and want to be friends even if the romantic/sexual/etc. relationship has ended. That being said, I've been pretty lucky, there's only one where I'd rather not be friends with.
On the not so successful side, well, it's like any relationship, sometimes people grow apart, sometimes one person (or both) violates agreements, sometimes things just don't work out.