[Lynn]

This happened to me in my first lesbian relationship, in the first couple of years after I came out. I lost any interest in sex with her or with anyone. I felt disconnected from my own body, too. I remember bringing it up in therapy, and the therapist gave me all these things to try to re-ignite my physical reactions (involving soap, lotion, and showers...). None of it interested me at all. At the same time, I was going through a very contentious and painful coming out process with my family. So, as I've looked at it over the years, I'd say I was depressed. Depression will do that to a person--squash their sex drive.

I had a similar response when I was married to my (bio-male) husband. I could see then that I was depressed, also. I had a bit more insight and self-awareness, as well as some understanding of his feelings, so we did have sex, but it wasn't out of physical desire on my part.

Now, I view sex as a very important aspect of my relationship. If someone lost interest in me, I would want to try to figure it out and resolve it. But, there are factors such as depression, medication, health, stress...and on and on which can impact desire. I wouldn't leave someone because we weren't having sex, but I'd want to understand what was going on and try to fix it, if possible.