[steel_magnolia]

First, I am brand new to the site. I am so glad to have found this thread! I just read through the entire thing, and thought I would post all my thoughts on different aspects that came up at once. I apologize in advance for the length (and the possible TMI!).

1) What does "stone femme" mean in general?

I think we really need to deconstruct this term. For me, "stone" refers to a type of sexual expression - sex with very clear boundaries around touch. "Butch" and "femme" add more clarity to the stone part - do my boundaries revolve around what is done to me or what I do to others? However, "butch" and "femme" also refer to someone's particular flavor of gender presentation, and perhaps even the flavor of gender presentation they are attracted to.

And there's the disconnect, the ambiguity of the term. "Stone" is well understood. It's the loaded "butch" or "femme" used to modify it that's a problem, because those words have so many layered meanings. Maybe we should come up with another way to modify the word "stone" to refer solely to boundaries, and let "butch" and "femme" refer strictly to gender ID? That might make things easier for stone femmes who don't want to be penetrated. And would also create a safe place for butches who are cool with receiving penetration but not necessarily penetrating their partner (with all this variety I'm sure there are some of those too.) Something to think about...

2) What does "stone femme" mean to me?

Sexually I'm stone femme because I'm strictly a "catcher" when it comes to sex. I have a high sex drive and I am VERY responsive, but actively going beyond cuddling and petting is just not me. Mouth-to-mouth kissing is often a struggle, much less any sort of penetration on my partner. I tried for years to force myself to "reciprocate" and felt awful afterwards, like I had allowed myself to be violated. This led to all kinds of feelings of guilt, inadequacy, judgment from my partners, worries over being frigid, a reluctance to get involved in any relationship at all...

It was only when someone pointed out that I was a stone femme - and reassured me that being a stone femme was totally ok - that I was able to actually accept and enjoy my sexuality. Now I revel in the idea that my responsiveness works for my partner, that I can care for them in ways that compliment without mimicking the ways they care for me. It frees me to explore my sexuality, cuddle/pet/massage my partner, and do all the sharing I love to do in relationships without fear, guilt, or doubt.

My also being a femme gender-wise just makes the term all-around more comfortable for me.

2) Are you stone femme because you date stone butches, or is it something innate? Does it change according to your partner?

My being stone femme has absolutely nothing to do with my partners and everything to do with me. I have my boundaries regardless of who I'm with. However, I exclusively go for masculine gender presentations regardless of the physical plumbing - butches, stone butches, trans, even a few bioguys. Since I'm stone relationships tend to work better if my partner of whatever ID is stone too, and stone butches and transmen seem to be the majority of the "masculine" and "stone" crowd.

3) Is the dating pool limited because I ID as a stone femme?

Oh, yes. I prefer to save the emotional energy of a relationship for those who can work with my methods of sexual expression - and everyone else seems to do the same. However, when I do date someone who is cool with my being stone there is this mutually created non-judgmental space that is incredibly comfortable and freeing. Even if it doesn't work out romantically I've never not gained a friendship out of it.

And that is PLENTY of babble on the topic. Thanks for posting something so interesting!