Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Instant Turn-Offs

Martina · 05-22-2014, 01:37 PM

I like Northern California. I think people are genuinely nicer out here. Happier, more low key.

BUT people in the Bay Area, especially, often have polished up some way of presenting themselves that they think makes them look attractive to others. It's a presentation that is practiced and just feels canned to me. I find it boring. And the kiss of death with me is if you bore me.

I have encountered some of the people more than once at events and heard the same exact shtick. I guess they forgot what they said to me before. Isn't it boring for THEM, too, to be saying the same things and telling the same stories? Some of these are intelligent people. Why they think being real is less appealing I don't know.

What's funny about it is that there is no way to puncture the balloon. You can either worship at their alter -- which they love. Or you can compete by presenting your own shtick -- which they are prepared for and also seem to relish. But if you try to derail the performance, for example with some East Coast self-deprecating humor, they don't get it. They feel sorry for you, as if you meant what you said.

The problem for me really is the canned conversation, the almost rehearsed forms of interaction that are supposed to send a message of coolness.

I have met some very real people in Northern California. And I can tell that beneath the presentations of the people who do perform these shticks, there are -- usually -- real people. But I am not going to work that hard to get to them. They are succeeding with these performances, so who am I to criticize, I guess. But they don't work with me. It's dull. What is sad (again, to me) is that some of these folks probably aren't dull at all. They just think they have to do these things to get attention. Maybe they do. I am probably the one who is out of step.

On a completely different note, HB was talking about people not sharing about their exes. We've already had that conversation on another thread. But I definitely have a problem with over-sharers.

I had an acquaintance who dumped EVERYTHING on her first dates and then wondered why she wasn't getting second dates. I want people to be real, but it worries me when it seems like they have been waiting an age to tell someone their hopes and dreams. Do be real, I guess, but don't tell me everything. I am not your shrink.

05-22-2014, 01:37 PM	#32
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,367 Times in 4,171 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I like Northern California. I think people are genuinely nicer out here. Happier, more low key. BUT people in the Bay Area, especially, often have polished up some way of presenting themselves that they think makes them look attractive to others. It's a presentation that is practiced and just feels canned to me. I find it boring. And the kiss of death with me is if you bore me. I have encountered some of the people more than once at events and heard the same exact shtick. I guess they forgot what they said to me before. Isn't it boring for THEM, too, to be saying the same things and telling the same stories? Some of these are intelligent people. Why they think being real is less appealing I don't know. What's funny about it is that there is no way to puncture the balloon. You can either worship at their alter -- which they love. Or you can compete by presenting your own shtick -- which they are prepared for and also seem to relish. But if you try to derail the performance, for example with some East Coast self-deprecating humor, they don't get it. They feel sorry for you, as if you meant what you said. The problem for me really is the canned conversation, the almost rehearsed forms of interaction that are supposed to send a message of coolness. I have met some very real people in Northern California. And I can tell that beneath the presentations of the people who do perform these shticks, there are -- usually -- real people. But I am not going to work that hard to get to them. They are succeeding with these performances, so who am I to criticize, I guess. But they don't work with me. It's dull. What is sad (again, to me) is that some of these folks probably aren't dull at all. They just think they have to do these things to get attention. Maybe they do. I am probably the one who is out of step. On a completely different note, HB was talking about people not sharing about their exes. We've already had that conversation on another thread. But I definitely have a problem with over-sharers. I had an acquaintance who dumped EVERYTHING on her first dates and then wondered why she wasn't getting second dates. I want people to be real, but it worries me when it seems like they have been waiting an age to tell someone their hopes and dreams. Do be real, I guess, but don't tell me everything. I am not your shrink.