[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

It's interesting that in some families alcoholics beget alcoholics, and abusers beget abusers...while in others, crappy parents beget parents ( and people) loving and fierce.
I was a mix of the two. I was a crappy parent while I drank myself silly. I started drinking after my brother committed suicide. It wasnt until they laid my daughter in my arms after birthing her, that I realized I had nothing to give her. It took me many years for me to acquire what I needed as a parent. By that time, i had already done some damage. We spent years working on our relationship. I wasnt going to give up. She almost did. It was the birthing of her own kids that made the huge difference. She is by far the best parent out of all of us. And she sees how hard it is parent. And what I and my mother had to go thru with hardships she thankfully never had to endure. So we are now a very happy family, mentally healthy and loving toward each other. There is no real quick easy fix when it comes to trauma and addictions. Sometimes it takes generations to heal it out of a family...

I would give my last cent to my daughter, I would have been a prostitute if that was the only way to feed her and keep a roof over our heads...my sister washed her hands of her kids at 18, and moved to Idaho without a thought to leaving them here alone. Well they have me, but it's not the same. I loved my child more than I loved anything or anyone in this life, from the moment she was born. I just didnt have the skills to be a good parent. Didnt have it as a child..didnt know how to do it as an adult. With lots of research, counseling, parenting classes, and learn as you go, I learned to be a good parent. I was always a loving parent..just didnt know how to parent.

Btw...I got back at my mother for leaving me. She eventually came back to our house and to my father, but at age 15 their marriage was over. My mom tried threatening, bribery, etc... but I chose to move out with my father because I knew it would hurt her as she had hurt me. good for you!

We spent a lot of years working out a relationship that was healthy for both of us, and in the end I moved myself and my family into her home to care for her the last 2 years of her life.

my daughter and I both said we could never live together again. But just recently she has been talking about taking care of both me and my husband in our older years. She sees him as the best thing I ever did for myself and adores him. Closest thing to a parent i gave her other than her actual father...