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Old 08-25-2019, 02:12 PM   #14
theoddz
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I was adopted when I was 3 months old, by parents who were 100% Swedish (Mom) and 100% Chinese (Dad). They had adopted my biological half sister at 13 months of age and when contacted about my birth mother's subsequent pregnancy with me, couldn't bear the thought of separating two blood siblings, so they adopted me, too. My sister and I have different biological fathers but share the same birth mother. Her father was full Chinese and mine was....well..."unknown", but obviously tall, fair and blonde, because that's how I look. My sister looks decidedly Asian (see my gallery) and closely resembles my adopted Dad, while I look much like my adopted Mom.....Swedish!!

I have been looking for my biological family, on and off, ever since I was 17 years old. Mom and Dad raised my sister and me with the knowledge that we were adopted, ever since we were small children. Mom used to read us a book called "The Adopted Family" when we were small, and always answered our questions about our origins with honesty and tenderness, explaining that (in her words) she and Dad "couldn't love us more, had they had us themselves", and that we were "very special", since we had been chosen and wanted. I can honestly say that there wasn't a day in my life, either in childhood or adulthood, that I ever doubted my parents' love for my sister and me. Mom, in particular, was very openly and demonstratively affectionate, while my father was a bit more reserved, due to his old school Chinese cultural background. To this very day, Paul Simon's song, "Loves Me Like a Rock" reminds me of my folks and their love for my sister and me. We had a wonderful childhood, despite the fact that my folks divorced when my sister and I were 12 and 13.

Part of this love that my mother had for us enabled her to be my best ally and friend, when I told her, at age 17, that I wanted to try to find my birth parents. My mother, having been a writer, knew the value of saving paperwork from an early age, so to my benefit, she was about to produce several fat files of letters and correspondence she had saved that consisted of hers and Dad's letters, back and forth, from the adoption caseworkers of the Children's Home Society of Florida. As fate would have it, my adopted maternal grandmother (Mom's Mom), had also been separated from her birth mother and siblings in the early 1900's and was never able to reunite with them, after endless searching and going from poorhouse to poorhouse in rural Iowa/Illinois, looking for information. Mother told me, "I don't want my kids having to search and search for their birth family like my mother had to." Mom was a great source of both help and support to me on my search. I've been very lucky and have had the best parents anyone could have ever asked for.

My sister and I had both been born and adopted by Mom and Dad in Florida, with us both having what is known as "closed/sealed" adoptions through the Children's Home Society of Florida. This means that though we each have 2 birth certificates (I actually currently have 3), but the first one is sealed and can only be opened by court order. Usually, that court order is because of a verified and severe life and death matter, when a blood relative is medically needed. Suffice to say, I have never had any luck in finding out anything but the "non-identifying" information about my birth family. I don't have any names or definite places in that information. I don't even have any idea of even what time of day I was born or which hospital, and neither does my sister. We were born in different cities. Neither of us has any idea of even which hospital we were born in. I have read where, in some cases, even a birth date or location has been falsified on adoption paperwork, to mislead and confuse a person who might be looking for "closed information" on their adoption. The State of Florida has a sad reputation for being more regressive than progressive on the evolution of their adoption laws, historically. I keep hoping that, in the event that Florida becomes more progressive in the upcoming years, they might relax their adoption laws a bit and permit adoptees to obtain their correct birth information, along with the names of their parents. In my opinion, my birthright includes the right to know where I come from.

I've seen shows like "Long Lost Family" and a few friends have suggested that I write to them and tell them about my and my sister's situation with our adoptions and ask them to help. I've often thought that I might do that, but then the issue of my "trans" occurs to me and I don't know if I would really want to put myself out there in these days and times of hatred and violence against our LGBTQI community. I sincerely have no idea about the reception I would face from biological family members. The non identifying info I do have says that our birth mother's family comes from south Georgia, with a Southern Baptist background. I was raised in Savannah for most all of my life, so I'm acutely aware of how conservative the state, as a whole, is. So, here I sit in my conundrum, wondering what I should do. Time is ticking, as our birth mother was 19 when I (or my sister...we aren't sure) was born, so she would be around 78/79 years old now, if she's still living.

My adopted parents are both now deceased and my sister and I, with her two children (each of them have a child of their own now) are what's left of our immediate blood family, so I am left to wonder if now might be the time to shed my fears and insecurities and see if I can make some new progress on my search. My sister and I have both done the ancestry.com DNA tests and come up as "extremely close" relatives, which we expected, along with what seems like a plethora of "cousins", both 2nd and varying degrees removed, but it's all so complicated to figure these things out. Our old neighbor from Las Vegas is very adept at genealogy, and has been helping me out as she can, and has been able to make quite a bit of headway with the ancestry.com info, along with some additional information I received from another DNA survey I took on 23andme.com. I guess we'll just have to see what turns up. Searching has certainly had its moments, both discouraging and exhilarating. One thing is for certain, though....it's going to take a lot of time and patience, if I'm ever able to find out anything.

My best wishes go out to others who are also out there looking for their roots.

~Theo~
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"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost." -- J. R. R. Tolkien
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