Quote:
Originally Posted by Ciaran
I am attracted, at least initially, by looks.
However, it's difficult for me to articulate that in any meaningful way as, for me, I don't have a defined "type". I tend to be physically attracted to only a small proportion of women. However, other than that they look on the feminine side of the scale, they could be large, small, dark haired, blonde, curvy or less curvy. Therefore, my initial attraction seems rather sporadic and random. Quite why I'm initially attracted to one person rather than another I'm not sure.
As regards making it meaningful. I don't need intelligence - at least not in any sort of academic way. In fact, it can be a turn-off to me. Such people often try my patience. However, I do need intelligence in a broader, common sense manner and, more so, the person needs to be reasonably aware of the world around them (whether we agree on what should be done about the burning issues of the day or not; inevitably, we don't).
Personality-wise, at least for me, opposites attract. I'm rather dour, conservative, staunch, judgemental and incredibly guttural. I find that I am attracted to much lighter, more fun-loving personalities. Also, my ideal partner has that blend of strength and vulnerability. Interestingly, whilst I'd usually see them as positive traits, those I'm attracted to are not necessarily nice or kind.
Attraction is a combination of the above for me and sometimes, though not too often, it comes together in a package. I don't have many absolutes
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Now I realize I forgot to answer the original question
, which was "what attracts you, and why?"
Short answer: I have no idea. It's so very random.
Long answer (and you knew it was coming):
Looks: When I first came out, I had no idea of the butch-femme community, but interestingly, my first partner was a more masculine-looking woman (although she did not call herself butch). I find many of my feminine-looking friends wildly beautiful, but it doesn't translate into a sexual attraction for them (they're mostly straight :P).
I guess as the process of coming out proceeded, and I found a "niche" in b-f, then gradually an attraction to ever more masculine looks and energy emerged. But within that caveat, there's no preference as to size or hair. I like taller than me, but the world is taller than I am. Other than that, I've no rhyme or reason.
Intelligence (since this seems a big one): I too have found that many very book-smart people are insufferable know-it-alls, and I hope never to be one. There's nothing wrong with book smarts in itself, but arrogance turns me right off like a faucet. I have also known superbly book-smart people who are cultural and world-events dummies.
I like a broad spectrum of topics to talk about, without feeling like someone is "talking down" at me. I'm no expert in politics in America, let alone any other country, but someone willing to discuss things and help me "fill in the blanks" is very attractive.
I don't want a carbon-copy of myself with regards to interests, but I want interests beyond trash TV and celebrities in tabloids. Ask me obscure questions or questions that make me think, and I'm right there
. Whether or not I've met you in person, I need to sense strong general intelligence and down-to-earthness for attraction to happen. This is not the same as an intellectual snob.
Personality: I like a wry sense of humor. I need someone who can make me laugh, and who can take good-natured banter. I'm actually drawn to more serious people than myself. I think that counterpart grounds me and is calming. I'm attracted to someone who's allergic to drama and who is a steadying influence to my emotionality. That said, I need someone who is actually aware of their emotions, not shut down. I need some sense of vulnerability, of softness. Gentleness.
Every time I try to define my type, though, it just doesn't work. Who knows?