[CherylNYC]

I'm not adopted, but my closest friend, N, (we call each other sister), has always known that she and her non-biological brother were adopted. In our generation families often tried to keep their adopted status secret from the kids. Her adoptive family wasn't perfect, but she was very much loved and wanted.

I've always admired N for the matter-of-fact way she went about finding her birth family, and for the thoughtful boundaries she set with them. She certainly had many emotions about it and them, but she was impressively self possessed when she actually met them.

It's probably been almost ten years since I found out that my father's paternity is very much in question. The evidence, it seems, points strongly towards a man who was not the one he knew as his father. This has absolutely no practical bearing on my life as I live it now. All of those people are long gone, and I never even knew my father's father, or the man who most likely sired my father. Even so, I was truly shocked at how much the information addled my brain and swirled my emotions. I can't think of any logical reason why that new information would have had such a strong affect on me, but it did. For lack of a better word, it made me feel... weird!

That experience made me admire N even more. I can't imagine how confused and overwrought I would feel in her situation. My tiny little family scandal, which really did confuse me for a bit, is nothing compared to meeting birth family when you're adopted.