[Jet]

Originally Posted by HeartBreak Kid

This touched me Jet, I know how Horrifying reliving past trauma can be especially when u thought u had forgot it, or pushed it so far down it didn't exist any more. I spend more days with my revolver than I'd like to admit because the bile being spewed from my subconscious is worse than the initial Trauma. I can't even close my eyes anymore and have since given up the prectice of sleep. I know I have changed, and I Know I'm broken, but I have Hope for you. You seem strong enough, tough enough, to come through this changed but not damaged.
I wish we are were so lucky
Peace and Love Jet Hon!

I didn't see this post until today. And I'm sorry I didn't because it's obvious you are in pain.

Here is what I would like to say to you:

I was spared the night of my trauma and spared again when I wanted to end my life. Finally, when nothing — and I mean nothing—worked and I hit bottom in my life, I said, to God "Okay, it's just you and me now. Either I'm going down the pike for good, or you're going to save my ass. Now what's it gonna be? Because you're my last hope."

I knew I was dying—from the inside out.

Well, it's been a year and a few months since the miracles and strength and courage and hope began for me. I have lived through horror over and over so I could cough it up and hand it to him. It scares the hell out of me. I'd like more than anything to claim that I'm one tough son-of-a-bitch, but I can't. I could not have pulled through this without God's help. And I'm still not quite done. Or I should say "we" are not done. But I'll tell you I'm feeling like me for the first time in 17 years, and that's huge because I'll be able to live again and do all the things I want to do.

What I'm trying to say to you is this: anything is possible with him. You could be guided to people you need, to the help or hope you need, you could suddenly find you have courage you didn't know you had, and you could discover, in a new light, that you have every right to life as he intended, and that you can make it because of the gifts and attributes he gave you. Most of all, you just may realize that you are worth the Almighty's time, and that makes you really important and loved.

But none of this will happen until you turn the worst of yours nightmares, trauma, terror, horror, and your demons over to him while you're dealing with trauma on this level. I'm not pushing God on anyone, but I believe it's arrogant to think that we are alone or so completely self-reliant and assured that we don't need a certain someone who knows all things and is more powerful than all things.

To often we give up too soon before he has a chance to work in our lives.
But I promise you, he'll put your broken spirit and heart back together in the most incredible ways if you let him.