[Gemme]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

i have a huge fear of letting go completely, and becoming completely happy, living the dream, and truly seeing my happy ever after with the butch of my dreams, only to have the rug pulled out from under me for reasons beyond my control. *shudders*

You know what? I gotta say...this happened. It happened and I'm still here. I'm still breathing and living my life, day in and day out. Is it what I thought it would be at this point? Nope. But the life that was advertised and I bought into wasn't what showed up. I just couldn't see it for the fancy packaging. And that's not on me. I refuse to victim shame myself. That's absolutely 100% on them.

I had to take a look at the BIIIIIG picture and see it for what it was. I got hoodwinked. Hook, line and sinker. And that was a HUUUUGE fear for me all these years but it's kind of like going to the dentist or getting a shot or doing something that you have built up in your mind over and over to the point where it's some mountainous obstacle instead of the mole hill that it really is. The fear was worse than the event itself, really.

It happened. I survived. I have more scars for it, but nothing that I think will hurt the next person to be brave enough to approach me. I have learned....and re-learned....some lessons that I will absolutely adhere to going forward. That's a good thing, I think. Having healthy and reasonable boundaries is good. Patrolling and policing those boundaries is better. Not having to address any attempts to walk over or bulldoze those boundaries is best.

I feel a little surprised at how okay I am, actually. It was a hard lesson but I suppose I had to have it hard because I'm stubborn and bullheaded and very thick sometimes. Now, I've got it. I'm good.

*eyeballs Universe*