Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

imperfect_cupcake · 08-27-2015, 08:06 AM

So many in the past year. People seem to want to go far faster than I do, in terms of how often to see someone or how often to talk. I'm shattered (extremely tired) most of the time with school a don't often have the energy to go out. My classmates and I send each other texts teasing each other about how often we are in bed.
I am scared of people pushing me to be more emotional, more available time wise, more care taking.
Having been through so much co-dependant re-learning and counseling and learning about healthy boundaries... I find most people I date respond poorly to boundaries. For example I'll say I'm sick and can't make a date, got sent home from school so very ill. I will contact you when I'm feeling better.
I'll get, from people I barely know and have only met once or twice

Can I come over, I'll look after you
An email 15 hours later asking if I'm better and would I like to meet up
How about now? Are you feeling better now?
Long winding emails talking about their day when I've said im sick and will contact them when I'm feeling better.

I could go on. What I find is, people don't listen to me. And the thing that turns me off the most is someone ignoring me and just barreling ahead with what *they* want from me. I find that turns me off someone now in seconds. If I have to repeat myself, about needing time/space for whatever reason... I find the damage is just kind of done.

So I fear not being able to have my own space without fighting for it, I fear having to look after someone else to the detriment of my own needs.

08-27-2015, 08:06 AM	#50
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	So many in the past year. People seem to want to go far faster than I do, in terms of how often to see someone or how often to talk. I'm shattered (extremely tired) most of the time with school a don't often have the energy to go out. My classmates and I send each other texts teasing each other about how often we are in bed. I am scared of people pushing me to be more emotional, more available time wise, more care taking. Having been through so much co-dependant re-learning and counseling and learning about healthy boundaries... I find most people I date respond poorly to boundaries. For example I'll say I'm sick and can't make a date, got sent home from school so very ill. I will contact you when I'm feeling better. I'll get, from people I barely know and have only met once or twice Can I come over, I'll look after you An email 15 hours later asking if I'm better and would I like to meet up How about now? Are you feeling better now? Long winding emails talking about their day when I've said im sick and will contact them when I'm feeling better. I could go on. What I find is, people don't listen to me. And the thing that turns me off the most is someone ignoring me and just barreling ahead with what they want from me. I find that turns me off someone now in seconds. If I have to repeat myself, about needing time/space for whatever reason... I find the damage is just kind of done. So I fear not being able to have my own space without fighting for it, I fear having to look after someone else to the detriment of my own needs.