[imperfect_cupcake]

I think it really depends WHERE on the earth you are.

not everywhere is like where you live right now.

In London, never a problem. I'd get hit on all the time outside LGBT space. Butches and dykes and bis and femmes had no issue with letting me know they were interested. Also when I smiled and winked and purred, I did not need a 2x4 to let one know I was interested.

But here in vancouver? People are friendly, but reserved. I've had people tell me they were interested after hours of talking and you could have knocked me over with a feather. No sign whatsoever that they found me even remotely attractive. No lingering glance, no body check out, no sparkly look, nothing. wall. the reserve is worse than the UK in that regard.

So if I flirt, even in a LGTB space and get *nothing* back within... a three minute conversation, not even a twinkle in the eye, I leave. I've had my nads out quite a bit in my life too. if *I* am approaching, and smiling, and flirting and they can't show even the slightest bit of sexual interest? not even a two second eye drop?
Bye.

I have been on a couple of dates where people have NOT been afraid to throw me a bone when I approach - I'm not a nervous and inexperienced 20 year old femme and I'm not approaching inexperienced butches. If they can't tell I'm interested and they can't express interest back, then I am not going to stand there being vulnerable and harass someone who for all purposes looks to me like they want to be left alone. it's takes some serious huevos to approach someone who's body language is "FUCK OFF" in the first place. I hope butches do realise that it does take us some serious nerve to approach and flirt with a "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME" body language. Or as I like to call it: "resting grump face"

So I expect the slack to be mutually cut to me, too.

Edit to add - touching someone, I would never ever do. I have been brought up that you don't touch strangers, even on the arm. No one I know touches me to flirt. It's a no-no. So regional rituals are in effect. I know some places, it's completely acceptable and it isn't even a flirt.

If a butch ever came up to me, I would take the offer of buying me a coffee as a flirt. Whereas, who knows, someplace else, that's just polite. But I have to start somewhere to accept someone else's advances or I'd never get a fucking date.

Rusted rims, have you thought that maybe the girl touching your arm and flirting with you might have been very nervous as feeling vulnerable herself, then you walked off? You could have gotten really pissed off with her, accused her of something, told her your gf was in the car and gotten frosty....

I think a lot of us always assume the other person is coming from a place of perfect confidence. We aren't. We are all nervous. We are all vulnerable. I hope people would respond in that manner.