[Isadora]

Originally Posted by InfiniteFemme

You touch on such important issues here. We all heal differently and at various speeds. The same goes with forgiveness. Nobody should be judged for how they process their own personal hurts.

I do think, perpetuating it by taking on the "eye for an eye," can be damaging most to yourself. Which is why I need to let things go. It is damaging enough to be hurt, it is even more damaging to oneself to continue it. (for me, no judgment here).

As you know from your work. I was (not literally) one of the women who you counselled... In order for me to heal through my emotional scars of my abuse, I needed to forgive those who perpetrated them. When asked to speak publicly of my abuse and how I worked through it - when I told them part of my healing was forgiving - I was told I was wrong and in a sense giving permission back to them to repeat their abuse. That it was WRONG to forgive the abuser. For some people, this is wrong - for me, it was part of my healing.

I met a mother who forgave the man who raped and killed her daughter, at the same meeting I was at. She taught me a lot, this woman. As a mother, I do not know if I could forgive someone who harmed my children. I am not sure how she did it. But, when she spoke to me and I saw the peace in her eyes and could feel it.. I clearly understood. She also said... If she continued to be the victim of this great crime, then she would continue the abuse of her daughter. I also understood this, from my own experience.

They would continue to WIN every single moment of my life, if I carried the "victim," within me.

Julie

As I worked for many years in the field, I have helped others forgive and feel healed. I have also worked with those who can not forgive and know that they felt heard and healed in their own way.

The greatest thing about being human is that we are all so unique in our ability to heal ourselves. I am not victim. I am a survivor and I feel a wee bit shamed...that for not being a forgiving some things, I am less...this is always the vulnerable part of admitting what you can't or won't do. I do not normally believe in "eye for eye" because, fuck I would be blind. lol I certainly did not mean to come across that way. But saying this I also believe that if a man and his five buddies are fucking his 4 year old daughter it is unforgivable and imagining him in prison is a wee bit of eye for eye. 30 some years of working with incest and childhood abuse survivors has colored my perspective of forgiving. Yay for those who can, yay for those who use their hurt and anger to be better people, yay for those who just get through one day after another without nightmares.