[curlyredhead]

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

Saw my WL doctor yesterday...I'm down another 11.3 lbs since last month!

I'm thrilled with this but at the same time there's confusion stemming from internal conflict and a high level of insecurity and lack of confidence.

Last weekend I had a long conversation with a former boss who is also one of my most cherished friends, big brother and mentor. He told me "Don't let the opinions of others determine who you are or how you see yourself." He went on to suggest that I write this on my mirror and leave it there "until it sinks in." I haven't done that yet and may not but it's sound advice and some I need to follow...

To steal from a friend's song..."There's so much left to do but there's so much you've (I've) already done..."

I never expected there would be any conflict/confusion over the positive results of this journey. He asked me if had I known would I have started much less stayed with it? At the moment I don't really know...I did this for me...for my health...I was slowly dying from the excess weight...digging my own grave with my knife and fork.

Thankfully that is no longer the case, so mission accomplished. But this unsteady feeling from the collateral damage of my success is difficult for me...there's no "wall" for me to hide behind even if it was killing me there was a comfort there and sense of consistency...

There's a part of me, the "grown up," who knows I will overcome this and that gives me hope but at the same time little comfort. Because the other part of me is a very frightened "little girl" who feels lost, alone, abandoned, adrift, isolated...

Despite this I am determined to keep moving forward on this journey. Interesting though, the weight seems like just a battle to be easily won while the rest is all out war.

But a war that I am determined to win!

Sorry for rambling but this is some necessary venting...

Has anyone else experienced this or something similar? And if so, what did you do to help you overcome it?

I can relate to this in a different way and possibly a similar way as well.

I have a rare genetic defect that controls my life no matter what I do. When I say control it controls essentially how my body works. But there is a choice to make, do I allow it to control what I do for fun or my life in general absolutely not. In the past when I was younger it nearly caused me to commit suicide a few times. This is how overpowering it is. So far out of all the people I know with this disease, I am the most physically fit and active person.

At one point 6 years ago, I realized I had a choice. That choice was to continue eating the garbage and junk food I ate and gain weight till I had diabetes. Or start to make changes in my life to make me live longer and have fun doing it. I chose the second. Since that happened I went from 185lbs down to about 130lbs and now I am back up to 140lbs. Now my goal is to drop my body fat down to 12%.

Something I want to share with you, is the disease I have doesn't make me who I am, nor does the fact I am a sports fanatic now. I am still that guy who loves to make others laugh. Who is there for my friends and family. If you are struggling to figure out who you are ask your friends when they think of you what comes to mind. Work from that. You as a person as a whole will never change regardless of your weight.