[nycfem]

I think also that trusting one's instinct is so important. In the situation I described, I used my own money but made the conscious decision not to check in with BB about it first. And that was strange because I check in with BB on everything. A part of me knew that BB would tell me it was a bad idea, and I didn't want to hear it because I wanted to save my "friend" from being kicked out onto the street at Christmas. Of course, I had been assured that a new job was to start right away after the holiday and that I'd be paid back by the end of January (This was over 3 years ago.). After wiring the money, I did tell BB who responded very matter-of-fact, "You'll never get your money back." BB then noted to me how hinky it was that the person was instructing me where to go to wire money and when I said it was too late, that person let me know what time the place closed and that I did have time and that it must be done right at that moment! What I learned from this is to trust that tiny feeling of doubt that nags at the back of one's head, instead of pushing it away. At the very least check with your partner or someone trusted to get their thoughts.