AND now that work is over and I have more time... I wanted to add... the whole no eye contact thing was freaking me the hell out. I thought I played it off in a teasing way, with the nudges and the whole "why won't you look at me" and "is something wrong" and whatever else I said that probably didn't sound as teasing as I meant it to but probably completely betrayed how much I was freaking out on the inside... LOL
There was a past occasion where I'd met someone from online who actually said to me, "You're not really what I was expecting. I usually don't go for girls who are overweight like you are." so when Toxic continued to stare straight ahead... at her phone... at the sky... at a telephone pole... I was like, WTF?! Is it my ass? LOL When Toxic pointed out that I'd performed this little display in front of a microphone, I gracefully excused myself so that I could go outside and have a heart attack all by my lonesome.
On other occasions, I've mis-sent posts and emails to people, such as the time I emailed a friend about a guy we knew, an email in which I detailed all of the many ways and reasons why this guy was a first class asshole. I was so up in arms that I actually sent it to said guy by mistake, instead of my friend. Another time, I was the emcee for an online graphic design auction for about 80 people. Someone sent me a whisper in the chat that said something like "waving my tinklebug in your face" and I replied in all caps, shouting "YOUR TINKLEBUG!! GET THAT TINKLEBUG OUT OF MY FACE AND PUT IT BACK IN YOUR PANTS WHERE IT BELONGS!"... but I said it to the entire audience at the auction instead of in private to my friend.
Self-degradation comes really easily to me, Medusa, so don't worry. You're not alone!
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