[SleepyButch]

In reading some of the other posts, it got my thinking about my own body issues while I was growing up. I really didn't have too many until I became an adult.

I was always a small kid, short and skinny. I hated being shorter than the other kids especially my sisters.

In elementary school, when I was in the sixth grade, they were starting to screen for scoliosis. What does that mean exactly? Well that means, you take off your shirt in front of all the other girls in the locker room and bend forward so they could check your spine. Well, being small and thin, I had no breasts either. Hell it was only the sixth grade! But, my twin sister had them and had a bra and so did a lot of other girls. So I was stressing out about this big time. I got up enough nerve to ask my mom if I could wear a bra. Well the only thing that would sort of fit was a training bra. I was happy with that. What a silly name right? Anyway, so I went to school with this bra on, went to gym class and took off my shirt and waited in line. When it was my turn, I bent over and the bra went straight up past my non-existent breasts and everyone, including the teachers laughed at me. I was horrified! I was such a shy kid and to have that kind of attention was just not good for me at all. That's why I wanted to wear the damn bra in the first place!

When I went into Junior High, I shot up to the height I am now between seventh and eight grade. Thankfully! I loved/love being tall! I played basketball and was made to stay fit. Same with high school. I was a quiet kid for the most part. Luckily I didn't get picked on too much. I never dated anyone until I was past high school. Just never wanted to date nor do I think anyone ever asked. I would fantasize about girls and not boys and didn't think it was right or society made me think it wasn't right so never asked any girls out. I had longer hair but I'm sure still had a masculine appearance even if I didn't try to.

It wasn't until my twenties that I started gaining weight. I think back now and not sure why. I don't feel like I over ate and I was pretty active but I do know that I hated it. Remember those small breasts that I once had? Well they became huge and I hated them. They were always there. They were always in the way. They just didn't fit who I thought I was supposed to be. So like many others, I put on the baggy shirts to try to conceal them as much as possible. It was about that time too when I started really letting my masculinity come through. How could I be this masculine and yet have these larger than life breasts? Keep in mind these were my body image issues and not necessarily the correct way to think.

Anyway, I lost weight, gained it, lost weight, gained it... and yet those damn breasts still stayed the same! Finally, about 7 years ago now, I decided that I would get a breast reduction. It was a bit scary but I knew a really good surgeon. I went through with it and no longer have issues with my breasts. I actually love them now. My gf at the time actually loved them the way they were and didn't want me to have surgery but I just had to do it for myself. Not one regret.

Now in my older years, I'm dealing with the aging body image issues. I don't have as the muscle tone that I may have once had. It's harder to lose weight. The grey hair was really hard for me. I didn't want to look old because don't we equate grey hair with old people? (I know that's not the case.) I always thought that because I would look older, no one would be attracted to me anymore. It sill shocks me from time to time to look in the mirror and wonder how the hell that happened but for the most part, believe it or not, I'm going to live.

Well, that's my story from growing up until now because really.. .I still feel like I'm trying to grow up most days.