Aloha Randrum!
(that's the Hawaiian greeting
)
Howdy!
(that's the greeting from my home in VA!)
I only had a chance meet and welcome you very briefly in chat, so wanted to take a moment and say it again here.
WELCOME!
I only wish I was your age when I found a place like this! I was very young (read: 3/4) when I realized that I was a "girl"... because I was missing parts my Dad had. It was very confusing. I was in the 4th grade when I had my first "girlfriend" (a memory that was repressed/forgotten until I gained recall in therapy years later) and I was a junior in high school when I fell in love for the first time and realized I was clearly gay/lesbian/queer. It wasn't until I was 38 that I began truly learning about the gender binary, the difference(s) between gender/sexual orientation, the butch-femme dynamic. Trust me when I say, that was way too many years of self questioning/doubts/fears. This site and another similar were a Godsend to me in learning more about myself.
I spent most of my life (and to varying degrees still do) trying to make "ME" make sense. My body and my soul/spirit/gender do not align. I never had to label myself until joining these sites, because frankly, I had never been asked...LOL
Being asked a question about yourself for the first time does often cause a "mini- freak out" because having never been asked, there is no certain/pat answer that just rolls out naturally (unless you are one of the fortunate who has never had to examine your gender/orientation, etc.) It forces you to actually "think" about how to answer and opens the window for self examination/exploration/education.
Before entering this community (the B/F community, I mean), self ID/labelling was a non-issue. In the world of flesh, I formed opinions (sometimes wrong/sometimes correct) based on how I viewed people and by how they present themselves to me. It never entered my mind that people had options as to gender identification and what a gift it was to learn that we DO!
I think you were very much correct and perfectly clear in this:
"
Because gender identity is anything but black and white. And as I am learning it's a deeply personal, continually evolving dynamic. My mini freak out isn't a bad thing, it's a learning thing. A growing moment.
I still have a ways to go in figuring out myself. But I don't have to do it immediately. The one thing I do know is that I've found the right place to help me through the process."
I am always thrilled to see young persons enter this community! (not underage, mind you as this site is clearly dedicated to adults...lol) I love that you have the opportunity to speak openly with so many people of such vast differences along the gender spectrum! I am so happy that however you found us, you DID! Too many people for too many years have had to struggle alone in their search of self understanding and acceptance, especially people inclined to be somewhere in the grey areas of the spectrum and not on the more easily defined and broadly accepted "ends" of it. By "end" I mean, clearly and consistently Male or Female and aligned with the societal definitions of those terms. Gosh, it would have been SO much easier to just have been born one or the other...LOL I'm not sure, however, that I would have been the same "ME" that I have come to actually love.
Dapper, Sleepy and TruTexan all offered wonderful words of encouragement and I agree with all of their sentiment! Take time with your journey and enjoy the discovery! Echoing all of these generous souls...
Do not rush into any ID or feel pressured to "pick" one...lol
Post questions and concerns or just plain curiosities on threads where you think you may find good conversation about your queeries... If you can't find a thread that sounds like it may deal with your questions/thoughts, start one!!
Definitely bring up questions in chat! A lot of us regulars are older than you and while sometimes we may not use the same vernacular (read: we may talk "old people"... heh ), we definitely care and will be welcome hearing your story and sharing our own experiences.
The most important resonance that all three of the previous responders to your post shared:
ENJOY!!!
The process of discovery, while at times difficult and sometimes painful when walked alone can be a joyous freeing adventure when shared with kindred.
I am glad you found us! Your energy is sacred as is all who come honestly in seeking community. Thank you for adding to ours!
Mahalo! Thank you and best wishes!
Jess