Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post

Mister Bent · 11-08-2009, 06:16 PM

I relate fully to the stories recounted here of "otherness." At a very young age I felt I was miscategorized, and among my earliest memories are those of feeling I was simply not like other kids. Like Thinker, I can recall having the same crushes as the boys in my class - that new student teacher in third grade, my riding instructor when I was 9. Once I began to have sexualized thoughts, I simply knew that one day I would grow up and have a wife, that I would be somebody's husband. When I thought of sex I visualized myself with a penis, fucking a woman. It was tremendously confusing to me when it became apparent that was not the course I would be encouraged (or able) to follow. Moreso, that there was no other course to follow and for a long time that made me feel cheated.

There were the inevitable battles with my mother over hairstyle, clothes, the cowboy boots I never wanted to take off. I preferred to spend time with my dad learning to shoot, practicing archery, building tree houses and tinkering with our train set.

It was the early to mid 1970s and my only introduction to "alternative lifestyles" was through the feminist lesbians "of choice" friends of my parents. That was most decidedly not what I had in mind, because I never saw myself as a female lover of women.

Today, after almost a decade of soul searching, consideration of my history, my future and a plethora of other avenues (you know the drill) I have turned my focus toward embracing this trans creature that I am, as I am. I want to be seen as just what I am - neither man, nor woman in the *conventional* sense. I choose this liminal existence, between worlds. I used to see that to mean I was perpetually on the threshold to some undefined something else, but if transitioning can be seen as a process of aligning our insides and our outsides, then my personal transition has meant recognizing that, for me, there is no "something else," there is only this. And despite the nonsense I sometimes have to put up with - you know the story - most often it feels just exactly right for me.

11-08-2009, 06:16 PM	#20
Mister Bent Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: . Posts: 2,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,151 Thanked 5,831 Times in 1,721 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	trans less the transition I relate fully to the stories recounted here of "otherness." At a very young age I felt I was miscategorized, and among my earliest memories are those of feeling I was simply not like other kids. Like Thinker, I can recall having the same crushes as the boys in my class - that new student teacher in third grade, my riding instructor when I was 9. Once I began to have sexualized thoughts, I simply knew that one day I would grow up and have a wife, that I would be somebody's husband. When I thought of sex I visualized myself with a penis, fucking a woman. It was tremendously confusing to me when it became apparent that was not the course I would be encouraged (or able) to follow. Moreso, that there was no other course to follow and for a long time that made me feel cheated. There were the inevitable battles with my mother over hairstyle, clothes, the cowboy boots I never wanted to take off. I preferred to spend time with my dad learning to shoot, practicing archery, building tree houses and tinkering with our train set. It was the early to mid 1970s and my only introduction to "alternative lifestyles" was through the feminist lesbians "of choice" friends of my parents. That was most decidedly not what I had in mind, because I never saw myself as a female lover of women. Today, after almost a decade of soul searching, consideration of my history, my future and a plethora of other avenues (you know the drill) I have turned my focus toward embracing this trans creature that I am, as I am. I want to be seen as just what I am - neither man, nor woman in the conventional sense. I choose this liminal existence, between worlds. I used to see that to mean I was perpetually on the threshold to some undefined something else, but if transitioning can be seen as a process of aligning our insides and our outsides, then my personal transition has meant recognizing that, for me, there is no "something else," there is only this. And despite the nonsense I sometimes have to put up with - you know the story - most often it feels just exactly right for me.