[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

If you're a man, why are you trying to date lesbians?!"

I don't partner with women who think they are... or are lesbians.

There's that gray part... "transensual" women...attracted to male energy looks, physique, whatever but cannot/or prefers not to be with bio men for whatever reason. And they aren't attracted to women or the idea of being with another woman as a lesbian. (That's how transensual has been explained to me.)

A transensual is attractive to me being male as I am; I've never been a lesbian in the classic sense and never could be. Transitioning falls in place being attracted certain types of women, as I am, and having them to reciprocate... among other things.What I have wondered is why a couple who passes as a man and woman continue to stay in this lifestyle instead the straight lifestyle.

You illustrate some of what I was trying to get at in my post, though I would take issue that a transsensual femme can't also be attracted to women (as a parallel, consider bi-sexual women). There may be some transsensual femmes who would take me to task on this, and by no means do I claim, or aim, to speak for all. I think the definition of transsensual femme, as it was provided to you, is partly accurate. What I think is inaccurate is where it speaks to what a transsensual femme is NOT, because she could, in fact, also be attracted to cis-gendered males.

The key element is simply that her attraction, her primary attraction possibly, is to transgendered/transsexual individuals.

I have often heard questioned why trans individuals and their partners would want to "stay in this lifestyle" (my personal assertion is that this is my life, not a lifestyle), and usually from a place of exclusion (which is what I was getting at with the "why would you want to date a lesbian" statement). These sort of sentiments can quickly turn ugly in an attempt to remove the offending heteronormative types from queer space.

I'm not suggesting that's your position - because here you are, a transitioning male in a queer community, one in which I believe you have said you feel welcome. (Please correct me if I'm overstepping here). I do want to illustrate, though, how easily we can adopt an exclusionary mindset when considering these issues in a butch/femme/queer/lesbian forum.

There was a time I felt I didn't really belong, and I distanced myself from the community, both online and locally. It was my lover who enticed me out from the corner where I sat nursing my drink - my lover, who identifies as a lesbian, and who's identity does not challenge my own. She no more makes me a lesbian than I make her less of one.

I feel comfortable in the world - I make no distinction between my association in my queer community and my associations in the mainstream. When I feel slighted, or have experienced something I know no "straight" friend can relate to, it is to this community that I turn. I would never want to lose that.

I believe transpeople sometimes suffer a lot of grief by feeling they have to "choose." I'm not certain. Maybe I'm just talking out of my ass, but that's a topic I'd really like to see Thinker, Linus, Paphigleo and others weigh in on.

So that's my question: Do you feel you have to choose between the worlds? Do you have to pick a lane, a queer or heterosexual life? Is there really even a need to do so?