[yotlyolqualli]

My sister and I are sitting at my Aunt's table. They are drinking coffee, I am drinking my preferred hot drink, peppermint tea. The conversation goes as follows.

Aunt Jane: Malissa, I've known you all of my life. You're not gay.
Me: stunned silence.
Aunt Jane: Besides, I've been with women and it's fun, but it's just a game.
Me: stunned and somewhat grossed out.
Aunt Jane: Besides, your Uncle John (she provided me with 6 uncles, Uncle John being the last one) used to do "that" (oral sex) to me all the time when we first got together, now he doesn't. What are you going to do when "she" (abstract woman) doesn't do it any more?
Me: stunned, horrified, grossed out and pissed off.

I didn't know how to answer her and still be respectful of her position in my life. She was my Mother's only sibling and I knew damned well what Mother would have wanted me to do, and so I did. I smiled, seethed silently, drank my tea and proceded to ignore her.

I now know what my answer should have been.

Next scenario. Sitting in a church room with a woman who used to be my spiritual mentor. The conversation went as follows.

Sharon: Missy (I do not like that nickname, but Mother gave it to me. I prefer Lissa, or Malissa...lol) Missy, are you with someone now?
Me: No.
Sharon: You mean you're not having sex with another woman?
Me: No. (At the time, I was NOT seeing anyone)
Sharon: Well, if you're not having sex, then you're not a lesbian.
Me: thinking, WTF??


Seriously? So, if some single heterosexual person is not sexually active, then they are not really heterosexual?? And, news flash to my Aunt (She's in heaven now, so I have to be nice) Oral sex is just ONE of many different ways of having sex with another woman.

Besides ALL of that.... I resent the entire idea that being a lesbian has ANYTHING to do with sex. I am not a lesbian because I have sex with women. I have sex with women, because I am a lesbian.