[Gemme]

Originally Posted by JDeere

I did not have this happen to me but 2 females very close to me have suffered severe sexual abuse.

IF anyone is willing to help me to understand them, please let me know,it's killing our relationships because I don't understand or they won't truly talk about it with me to help me understand.

TIA

Here's a list of organizations that may help. Check in your community for organizations or groups for loved ones of the abused.

First and foremost, don't push. You push them, they will either push back or withdraw and then you're back behind the starting point and they feel betrayed. Learn to accept their truth as it is and don't try to 'fix' anything. Someone that listens and tries to understand without judgment is the best thing for someone hurting. It's not about you, how you feel or how it affects your relationship with them. It's about them and how you and your relationship affect them. It takes a very special person to be able to stand with someone coping with abuse because it can feel very unbalanced. You have to be okay with that until they are ready to address their issues and move forward. The old adage 'you can lead a horse to water, but can't make him drink' is very true. They have to be ready to walk through their pain and it's good when they have someone that can support them as they do it, but not put undo pressure on them to go faster than they are comfortable with or pressure to conform to their partner's vision of what the relationship should be or pressure to dive deeper into the ocean of pain than what they are ready for. It's a hard place to be. Good luck.