[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by blush

I've taken heat for admitting it's hard sometimes to remember pronouns. It is hard for me to remember pronouns. It's also hard for me to remember names. I still don't know Goof's phone number. Or where my keys are.

I wonder if our beloved butches/transmen would begin a thread about how they could build bridges to improve relationships among our diverse femme contingencies? Or, to put it another way, is this as/more important than healing our own femme community?

I don't think Femme's have diverse pronoun usage to worry about. Or even so much diverse gender presentation. So we get a little taken for granted IMO. To me that translates into us doing a lot of work around making sure that the butches and trans folk around us are comfy. Over the last 5-7 years it has become kind of auto-pilot. That is where we get into trouble with laziness of language choices ya think?

I HAVE seen our counterparts care when it comes to things like oh say...Stone Femme. Even then the shit hits the fan and a consensus cannot be reached on a definition. My question to everyone is this: Do we need healing within the Femme community to the same degree or are we intertwined with the butch and trans communities?

Originally Posted by Arwen

Ally is one of THOSE words for me. I've been flat out told I can't call myself a trans-ally by someone. You will see that I ran with that. NOT.

What is an ally?

Interesting. I just went to look up the definition which is "to unite or form a connection between." Which I sort of knew but I did not know that the word stems from a word that means to bind.

So is an ally someone you bind yourself with in order to prove a connection?

Well. Hmphf! Nobody gets to tell you what you are. That is reedickulous. Also, if you bind yourself with somebody in order to prove a connection with them you need therapy, not the label of an ally.

With that being said, I also think that it's a fine line between ally and appropriation.

Originally Posted by Arwen

Blanche, I get this. I think, for me, this could be a step in healing our own femme community.

Because...if we are helping to build fences, then in some way, we have to be standing on one side or the other of that fence from one another.

Don't we?

Yes. Fences are so hard to climb, and the electric ones frizz your hair. Bridges on the other hand let you cross over and visit for a while. It's a tricky thing not to build fences when you think you are building bridges. One gives you a clear view of the other side and one blocks your view.

Let's say that Cal starts testosterone and I run around making rhoid rage jokes in all the threads. I am erecting fences, am I not? If instead I thoughtfully answer any questions that people might ask me? I am building bridges, right?

Or if Cal goes into a thread and speaks about his experience and T and then somebody disputes it? If I wait for Cal to come back in and answer I am building bridges. If I go in and say this is what Cal meant, and you all don't understand Cal blahblahblah.....I am erecting fences.

Ack. Am I even making sense? I hope so. I am still not feeling well and I don't know if these are good examples.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I think they will talk about it in the other thread, about how we are influental.

I think it is all tied together, we all are, and how we behave about one another.

Bingo! Yes, that is what I am trying to speak to above.

Originally Posted by blush

Yeah, I'm rabidly protective. Oh, the posts I've started and deleted...and the ones I should have deleted but posted instead...

Yes. It is great to be protective. I have to wonder at what point do we protect ourselves? What point do we sit on our hands and not jump in but instead let those we love hash it out? I often struggle with this.

Originally Posted by Nat

I've been rabidly protective before when I have seen a person cry over their frustration over a thread. I have a really strong protective streak. I have figured out (am figuring out still) that it's not appropriate in most cases for me to run with it when I'm feeling protective of other adults who are perfectly capable of having their own voices and using them.

I'm trying harder these days, if nothing else, to listen to, understand and support other femmes (and myself) at least to an equal degree as other IDs.

Yes. I have had to learn the hard way. At what point am I complicit in the cycle of othering? Of not letting somebody I love figure it out? Of speaking for another human being and taking their voice away?

Originally Posted by Oneida

Regarding this thread: a femme's influence on the friendships between butches and transmen" and hit a roadblock almost immediately.

Snow, why did Sam get "chastised" for using the word "balls" with respect to getting the conversation going? I really need to understand that before I can get into the spirit/participate in this thead.

Thanks

No disrespect meant to you Oneida, but what is the raodblock you find yourself hitting? How is it that you perceived Sam being chastised when he was asked for clarification around using the word "balls"?

I think that this is an example of how we as Femmes can take ownership of things that belong to butchs/trans people and in the process inadvertently build fences rather than bridges.

I'm not picking on you, I swear. I really just want you to understand it in the spirit of what the thread is about.

Originally Posted by MsMerrick

Exactly ....
I don't believe in taking responsibility for others woes..
I also don't take on responsibility for those that do..

Thank you for saying this, because it happens.
I am glad you are aware.