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macele · 10-05-2013, 03:47 PM

i once thought that i was exactly like my daddy. at times, now, i'm not so sure. he is no longer on the planet earth in a walking-around human form. i miss him. i hope somehow he knows that. i'm not one to believe that folks in heaven know what is happening on earth.

he couldn't say i love you with ease, and because of that, i can. as a kid, i wore his boots. i wore his cowboy hats. i liked the sweat in his hats. anything of his that was cool, i wore. old spice cologne. he was a mechanic. i love to smell grease. i like to think that i can fix things because of him. i would sit in his work truck with my hand on the steering wheel just like he did. i love tools because of him. i would eat breakfast with him and watch his every move. i still eat grits like he did (daddy broke his biscuit into pieces and put in the grits. he ate all together. lots of butter too). i would look at his hands and arms to see if mine were just like his. i wanted to be just like him.

his blue eyes and his heart. both a giving heart and heart disease. i look a lot like him.

i had put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. to be a hard worker like him. to just do everything "right". after he died, i broke down. 22 years old, and the panic attacks started. so was it good that i wanted to be so much like him? hmmmm.

now momma is a total opposite from daddy. my hands are like hers. i have her titties LOL. her athletic ability. her green thumb. i can grow all things pretty. love it! i wish that i had her talent for music. she can play any string instrument, the harmonica, and the piano. plays by ear. so surely my creativity is from her. surely.

i love them both. daddy loved me. he just couldn't express himself. momma is affectionate. now, as i've gotten older. i think i'm more like her than i've ever realized. but too, i've changed.

10-05-2013, 03:47 PM	#3
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,239 Times in 849 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	i once thought that i was exactly like my daddy. at times, now, i'm not so sure. he is no longer on the planet earth in a walking-around human form. i miss him. i hope somehow he knows that. i'm not one to believe that folks in heaven know what is happening on earth. he couldn't say i love you with ease, and because of that, i can. as a kid, i wore his boots. i wore his cowboy hats. i liked the sweat in his hats. anything of his that was cool, i wore. old spice cologne. he was a mechanic. i love to smell grease. i like to think that i can fix things because of him. i would sit in his work truck with my hand on the steering wheel just like he did. i love tools because of him. i would eat breakfast with him and watch his every move. i still eat grits like he did (daddy broke his biscuit into pieces and put in the grits. he ate all together. lots of butter too). i would look at his hands and arms to see if mine were just like his. i wanted to be just like him. his blue eyes and his heart. both a giving heart and heart disease. i look a lot like him. i had put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. to be a hard worker like him. to just do everything "right". after he died, i broke down. 22 years old, and the panic attacks started. so was it good that i wanted to be so much like him? hmmmm. now momma is a total opposite from daddy. my hands are like hers. i have her titties LOL. her athletic ability. her green thumb. i can grow all things pretty. love it! i wish that i had her talent for music. she can play any string instrument, the harmonica, and the piano. plays by ear. so surely my creativity is from her. surely. i love them both. daddy loved me. he just couldn't express himself. momma is affectionate. now, as i've gotten older. i think i'm more like her than i've ever realized. but too, i've changed.