[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

Hmmmmmm

I married my daughter's father with no thought to divorce, but 8 years later I couldn't live the hetro lie anymore, and I was hurting a very nice man. We actually stayed married another 2 years after, so that he could claim 1/2 my social security amount (he made very little $) should he not remarry.

When we divorced, we had lawyers for the paperwork but there was no fight. We went together to an all day class on making children (required in California) your priority through all of the pain of divorce. I was given full legal custody, with him having unlimited visitation rights, and joint physical custody....I asked for him to provide medical insurance until she was 18, and I refused all child and spousal support.

When my daughter went to stay with her dad, I sent along bags of food, and money for activities. When she was very young she was unaware of this arrangement, but I knew how financially strapped he was. Never, in the entire time since we parted has either one of us said one nasty word about the other parent, and he is to this day a major part of her life.

That being said, unless someone is being abused I do not believe in divorce. I wake up every single day and choose to be with my wife. For better, for worse are not just words to me....I fight every day to keep my marriage strong and healthy. I had the example of my grandparents to learn from...married 60 years when he passed away. They had good times, bad times, raised 5 children together....they worked hard at having their life together.

I know there is nothing you can do when one person is an ass and just leaves...I certainly don't blame the wronged partner. What I refer to is people that just decide things are too hard and start looking for a way out...I think that is a real shame.

My wife and I have been together nearly 14 years, married since 7/3/08...there will be no divorce! There are many wonderful days, and there are some not terrific times. There has been death, financial boom and crisis, health issues, child care arguments....on and on.

Marriage is not for the weak, or wishy washy...if you are not 100% sure you are willing to give it your all, why bother?

<3 indeed.

I actually agree with all of that. Cept I just want my own private little hamster cage to play bagpipes in at 3am. I'm very greedy and stubborn about personal space now. But I totally agree. Even with her shit wit behaviour, her affair and her drinking, I was willing to forgive and work on it if she could make the bloody effort. She didn't want to. So she left. And according to the courts, that would have cost her seven years of financial support. It's really rare I talk to people who have my same value of marriage, and I always love to hear you talk about yours