I'm going through one of the most difficult times of my entire life. I just finished three years of law school, during which time I also completed a second graduate degree. While I did that, fifteen people in my life died, ten of whom were close relatives, friends, or ex-lovers that I was still close to. I didn't take time to grieve because I couldn't stop school to do it. Now I'm done, and the weight of all that grief is crashing down. At the same time, I was in two romantic partnerships, a relatively new one, and a long term one of seventeen years. (We're poly and yes they knew about each other.) The new one ended unexpectedly on Saturday and the other is ending slowly, but still headed there because he's been cheating. (Cheating in poly happens when agreements are broken and/or lies are told about a new relationship.) I'm also studying for the state bar exam, which is next week.
In the midst of all this grief, stress, loss, and pain, I have been held up in love by my friends, who have given me places to stay, keys to their houses, meals, hugs, and shoulders to cry on. I belong to a community of femmes who have bent over backwards to be there and give me love and support. There are a few lovely people here on the planet who have texted me or called me regularly to check in and see how I'm doing. My parents have been amazing, kind, and present. This is one of the darkest times of my life. I keep thinking it can't possibly get any worse, and then it does. The silver lining is knowing how deeply loved I am, and my gratitude for that love. I knew I was loved before this, but it's when real trouble comes that I see how much.
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