Quote:
Originally Posted by CherylNYC
Butches are often shy, and they have good reasons to assume that all women they might find attractive and interesting when they're in straight spaces are straight. We can spot them, but without that rainbow necklace they have no reason to suspect that they might be in the same room with one of us. Honestly, if I were a butch I would never EVER have the moxie to approach a woman for a date outside of designated LGBT space.
When I see an interesting looking butch I take a deep breath, then simply smile as openly as I can, extend my hand, and say, "Hi, I'm Cheryl". I catch her eye and smile some more, waiting for her to respond. If I get nothing, I just say, "It's nice to meet you". I then force myself to not immediately run away in terror. A shy butch may be totally overwhelmed by the sudden attention and may need a few extra seconds to order her thoughts before responding.
Just remember that a butch in straight space has had a lifetime of feeling like there's water everywhere with nary a drop to drink. When I put myself in the place of a butch in straight space I know that it would take me far more than a few seconds to overcome the habitual hobbling of my flirting muscles in that circumstance.
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This really hit home with me. I think I am fairly friendly when spoken to, but
because I present as masculine I don't engage in small talk unless someone
else initiates the conversation. I don't spend a lot of time in bars or clubs so
most of my experiences are out in the world where I have no clue about sexual
orientation. When a woman smiles or says "Hi" to me, I just assume they think
they know me or are generally friendly. Sometimes, if I am out with a friend or
my girl they will say something like "She looked you up and down so she was
definitely flirting with you." I tend to think that femmes that are in a public
setting that smile and wink or whatever the acknowledgment, is just saying
I recognize you are butch. This is always welcomed. I think the most common
form of "family" recognition is the prolonged eye contact. Even if no words are
exchanged it is just a nod to like people. Sadly, there are many spaces where
it is not safe to flirt, or even strike up a conversation because of backlash from
co-workers, family members or whomever.
So femmes, if you see a butch out there in the big bad world for all to see and
judge, give them a smile, a wink, a "Hi there" or any other acknowlegement.
It will make their day!