Originally Posted by Girl_On_Fire
Long-distance relationships are no longer for me. I've done 2 of them and will never do it again. In one relationship, the butch moved for me and we got into a whirlwind relationship that ended suddenly and badly. For the second one, I moved for hym and it was the single most horrible experience of my life. We descended into a 2.5 year nightmare of abuse and horror. That also ended abruptly and put me in a very dangerous situation.
Is this typical of all LDRs? No, I don't think so. I think it can work. However, my initial attraction to LDRs was because I love and need to be alone more than half of the time. It's not that I don't want to spend time with someone I love, it's just that I need someone who is a lone wolf like me for it to work.
Also, I have a penchant for choosing people who, while brilliant, are usually diabolically insane (not an exaggeration). If someone truly has a serious mental health problem, is abusive, is on drugs, an alcoholic, etc. they can hide it so much easier in an LDR. As the old saying goes, you never really know someone until you live with them.
Because of this, I think LDRs have a stronger element of danger than dating someone who lives close by. When you meet somebody a town over, you can get to know each other slowly. If something doesn't jive, it's no big deal. You return to your respective abodes and lives.
When it's an LDR and someone has already moved and then you realize something isn't working (and it's a BIG something) you're stuck. Yes, of course you can leave but you've already invested your time, your money, your heart, and your expectations on a person you only thought you knew.
From experience I've learned that long-distance relationships when there's more than a few hundred miles involved is largely fantasy. Two people see the best sides of each other through email, phone, and Skype conversations, and the phone sex is amazing. You're always on your best behavior. Everything stays in the honeymoon phase. You get high on it. Then, if the distance is large, you float along on the honeymoon bliss and move in together. Then BAM, reality sets in. Can it work? Yes, I think it can. But it makes it 10 times more difficult even with the sanest, most reasonable of people.
Now if you can see each other regularly and really spend time together to get to know each other, I think it could work. Long-long distance to me is one in a million. I would never do it again. I've discovered with my tendency toward selecting the brilliantly insane and the fact I cannot read people well due to my Asperger's, not only do I need to spend a very long time getting to know someone, I want to expose them to my friends and family as well so they can use their neurotypical brains to help me pick up on danger signs I would otherwise miss.
Again, my opinion. My experience.
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