I thought I'd start this thread so that both the Gatekeeping and the Reclaiming Lesbian Pride threads can get back on topic. Those two threads, together, have sparked a discussion that we've needed to have for a long time. A very long time. Since the 1990's long time.
Most of us who've been out for longer than about an hour know that something has gone seriously wrong in the queer community. We have theorized ourselves into a corner that we no longer are able to get out of and our entire language and even what is considered possible to speak of have been hijacked by a meme we, as a community, seem unable to evaluate. This meme has held the community in thrall for well over a decade. It is time to wake up. It's time to break the spell. The meme I'm talking about is this: if you are oppressed, you are a victim, if you are a victim you are *beyond* moral blemish. In fact, if you are a victim it is the very essence of oppression to hold you accountable for your actions and to expect you to hold yourself accountable.
It manifests itself in hundreds of little ways. Non-whites in the community can--and I have seen and heard this--make racial slurs but should a white person speak or write a slur, we fall over ourselves to be first in line with the pitchforks and torches. Transmen are able to get away with a level of sexism that would be completely unacceptable coming from a cisgendered, heterosexual man. The desire to be inclusive of transwomen opens the door to situations where transgendered woman feels entitled to be naked below the waist, even though she has not had surgery. It puts a yearly camp outside of MWMF with transwomen demanding entry. There are more. We can all come up with examples.
We have talked ourselves and theorized ourselves and labeled ourselves into a place where we now espouse things that are completely nonsensical. Take, for example, the cry of ageism deployed whenever an older queer person says "you know, I've been around a few more years than you, young pup, and I've learned..." Let's be honest, is there anyone here who *genuinely* believes that if you take a 20 year old and a 50 year old that in that extra 30 years the 50 year old will have learned NOTHING that the 20 year old might not have yet? Nothing at all? I don't think anyone *actually* believes that to be true. Does that mean that us old farts can dismiss any words of the young pups? No! It means that if one came out at 20 and has lived the last 30 years of one's life out in the community, one has learned at least ONE thing that the 20 year old has yet to learn--how to stay sane as a queer person for 30 more years. The result of this is that we older queer people have dropped the ball and failed to mentor those coming up.
Either we are a community--in which case we have certain kinds of responsibilities and expectations to and from one another--or we are a amalgamation of identity groups. If we are the latter, we are each trying to grab our own slice of the pie. I would argue that over the last two decades we have claimed to be a community, we have behaved like a bunch of identity groups.
We need to reboot what we mean by community. Yes we should be tolerant and respectful but we should also hold one another accountable. We should, more importantly, hold ourselves accountable. Use the various ways we are discriminated against as lessons on how *not* to behave instead of as excuses for behaving badly. It means that we call sexism out when we see it. It means we don't excuse sexism. It means holding consistent standards--even when that means we have to hold ourselves to that standard as well.
I hope that this thread will catch fire and we can begin discussing how to move forward. The elephants in the room are finally being spoken of. I think the community is waking up after being in thrall for far too long. This will be rough and difficult work at times but, again, if we are a community don't we owe it to those coming down the line? In 1969, a bunch of queer people stood up outside of the Stonewall Inn and refused to be put down. They didn't stand up for identity, they stood up for values--values like justice and fair play. In 8 years we will celebrate a half-century of that which we were bequeathed. I would like our community to be moving forward, out of the fog we currently are in, and into a brighter light. A light that would be a worthy expression of our thanks to them for their courage, without which we might still be afraid, isolated and alone.
You are my brothers and sisters. I'm asking you to join me in working out the answers to these knotty questions using a different language. Let's begin rebuilding.
Cheers
Aj