There is a bunch of articulate posts by members on what they want and need in an relationship, in this forum thread. I enjoyed reading posts here.
I have dated off and on, with people I get to know locally. I've been in an number of relationships, over my lifetime. Some were awesome, other's were not so awesome.
I also have grown and evolved in terms of what I used to think I would want or need in any given type of relationship. For example, with the small circle of friends I have known here at home (ie, at work or in other private life type ways), we all know each other in up close and personal ways. Our bonds of friendship has lasted years and years, because we each know each other in ways which fosters trust, understanding, and an wide variety of other items which many feel is important in nurturing long time bonds of friendship (reciprocity, loyalty, etc).
As far as Romantic types of relationships, I have an set of expectations (which are many) that helps me to decide if it's wise to be involved with someone in romantic ways.
Some of those expectations are as follows (based on my own life experience and outcomes):
1) Be Honest. Tell the truth. Don't manipulate facts or so-called facts to support your position.
2) Don't monopolize my time or exert control. I'm allergic to domineering, controlling, manipulative personality issues.
3) Be Liberal, where politics is concerned.
4) Be Self Reliant (because I am, I value this trait highly).
5) Be kind. Be courteous. Be pleasant. Above all, be compassionate, yet humble.
6) Value an spirit of willingness to do the right thing, then do the right thing (as long as it brings no harm to others or yourself). This is an tricky thing to do because, in my opinion, on the surface, the premise of this type of thing basically speaks to an much larger social idea about perfection. To me, it's not about being perfect. It's about being able to "Do The Right Thing" when there seems to be no other way to decide the right thing to do. For example, if one spends an significant time getting to know another person and one sees that it just won't work out to be friends or to be in an romantic relationship, then I think it's better to let go and move on, rather than try to make something work that will never work out.
7) Be willing to understand that I have no need or desire to prioritize sex in an intimate relationship. I'm not opposed to an gratifying sex life, but I have been traumatized by past sexual offences committed against me. Don't expect me to be over those past offences. It's an part of my life that has scarred me. It hasn't ruined me at all, but it does serve an purpose in my life: It informs me of an person's intent toward me. If by chance I discover in an getting-to-know-you type of process that an person has undiscovered offensive sexual issues, then that person will not have any place in my life.
8) Value Safety in all facets of life.
9) As an reminder, I don't feel the need to be in an romantic relationship, at this time. I value the peace I feel in my current status of being single.
