[Bootsandheels]

Femme Detour…(Recalculating Route) "The Island Girl Series" #4

There are twists and turns to every story and my life is
certainly no exception.

I can pick the coordinates, enter an address and *poof* there’s a construction zone up ahead and I hear that dreaded voice again…”Recalculating route”…

You know…the one that seems to say in an ever-so-slightly-disgusted- bitchy-impatient-tone…“You idiot…why the hell didn’t you just do what I said-you have a map, the route is clearly outlined, and PLUS… you have my lovely computerized voice to guide you….”

To which I cheerfully but disgustedly reply back with glee…
”Fuck you!” and choose my own path…while switching off my global positioning system.

There is something scary about that statement…but strangely comforting at the same time.

Anyone who knows me learns very quickly that while I have amazing intuitive gifts, I cannot for the life of me find my way out of a paper bag where directions are concerned. And nighttime driving?…let’s just not go there right now ok? Let’s just say that while I can give you spiritual direction and guidance, I will probably get lost on the way back home from your house. Sigh…it’s humbling really…

I get really impatient and tend to beat myself up about this frustrating embarrassing truth about myself. I do eventually …with practice, find my own way…and sometimes just switching off all of my external guidance systems (MapQuest, GPS, iPhone…) is exactly what I need.

In my last “Island” blog I was at the “Exit” sign…pondering not why…but how.
I’ve pulled off to the side of the road and am just sitting calmly waiting for different signs now…different guidance systems…and surprisingly when I get quiet enough and just simply stay still long enough,
I hear a different voice…a truth, a gut hit, that inner compass that
slowly starts to spin again showing me not necessarily the “right” direction to go in, but the best one FOR NOW.

I smiled when I realized I was “Recalculating Route” in my very own personalized unique way…and that it was simply…perfectly… okay. The voices that I chose to listen to this time were familiar…patient, loving and yes…sometimes admonishing, but always TRUE.

These voices are what I like to call “My Tribe of Women”
My Best Friend…who incredibly is so pure in heart you can palpably feel her Mary-Mother-of-God kind of love…
My “Spiritual Mother”…an amazing femme goddess whose wisdom, guidance and love I NEVER question or debate…damnit…she’s ALWAYS right!
My Best Butch Bud…who loves me unconditionally and just “gets” me, offering me her strength and wisdom with gentleness and no expectations…

They are amazing and I am so fortunate to have these women in my life. They are the earth to my air, the feathers of my wings…
They ground me and help me stay still just a little while longer…and never abandon me if I go off on yet another rabbit trail that has a “DEAD END” sign clearly marked at the entrance…

“Recalculating route”…yep… that’s not so bad…to turn a corner and not be where you thought you’d be…but not in a panic anymore.

I’m learning a little bit more about myself by standing still long enough to notice the birds again…the flowers and trees exploding all around me in a riot of color against this perpetually green wet rain forest, and a sky that stays light a little longer every day…with another tease of sunlight.

It’s an interesting thing riding a ferry boat…I used to panic that the damn thing would sink and I wouldn’t be able to get out of my car or get my dog out of her crate…now I just stay still in my car and relax as the boat slowly and calmly moves me forward…as it safely does hundreds of times each week, with graceful strength and dignity…

And I keep my eyes open…
watching and hoping…
to catch a glimpse
of orcas...

Boots

Copyright lkfox 4/2011