[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

This is the first time I've read this thread. I know why I was avoiding it. I am still constantly counting, always writing and calculating, and berating myself for going over my numbers. I've done nothing but gain for the past 20 years. I don't understand recovery. I know I do okay for a while, but somehow always slip back into knowing that I need to toughen up and crack down on my eating because I hate how I perceive myself. I'm feeling very anxious right now because you're all so strong and so positive, and I am too afraid to let go of my precious numbers. But I am here, and I am reading, and I am in awe of every single one of you.

{{{{hugs}}}}
i know how it feels to think "I don't understand recovery." i knew i was in trouble for a year and a half before i sought treatment, because it just seemed impossible that any other way existed.

i will say that one thing i have learned about "toughening up and cracking down" is: letting go of that constant focus on eating less will eventually cause you to eat less. I trick myself with that whenever i start obsessing: "I need to eat less, therefore i better stop thinking about eating less." Because in my case all i really need to do is leave myself alone