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04-05-2010, 11:56 AM | #1 |
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Fierce Femmes, Allies and Gender Expectations...
I have been thinking about starting this tread for weeks, and I keep putting it off for lack of a catchy name.....
I in no way am trying to take anything away or diss Traditional Femme and Butch/FtM roles.... However, I would like to hear from Femmes who ID differently. Alpha Femmes, Femme Daddy's, Femmes who feel like dudes, Femmes who wish they were men, Femme Tops...ALL Femmes who have ever thought "Hey, how come all we discuss is Butch and FtM gender?", "I don't exactly fit the stereotypes people seem to be having about what Femme is?" or even "I do fit every single stereotype, but wants to discuss anyway"... Femme/Butch does not = Girl/Boy Femme does not = submissive Femme does not = bottom So many expectations of what Femme is supposed to be. What have you faced? Thoughts on any of this? Everyone is welcome!!!
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04-05-2010, 12:03 PM | #2 |
Pink Confection
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I, for example, have way more in common with a 16 year old guy, than I do Betty Crocker!
I am not even sure what a feeling is. I am very un-romantic. I fall alsleep after sex. I strap on. I like to "run the show", as it were. I like to be called Daddy etc....
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04-05-2010, 12:10 PM | #3 | |
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My response.. "I got your *real femme* right here as I grab my big fat femme cock.. Just sayin
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04-05-2010, 12:22 PM | #4 |
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Bless you for putting up with me, Boot.
I am femme
I am a bottom I am submissive I am passive I take it Except When I'm not I am butch I'm a Top I'm the instigator I'm Miss I give it I don't cook and I don't bake I don't like to fold and I'm happy to keep all my clothes in two piles: dirty, and clean. I feel far more powerful walking down a street wearing Tims than I do in Steve Maddens Who's your Daddy, now?
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04-05-2010, 12:28 PM | #5 | |
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Oh yeahhhh! I do the laundry, but only beacsue I am picky about it. I don't cook, Cynthia is picky about that. I bring home the bacon and hand it over! Woof!
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04-05-2010, 12:24 PM | #6 | |
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When I first joined a B/F site someone asked me why I did not go with a softer name like Snugglybunnyfemme...well first off, I am not a snuggler...I am llergic to rabbits (adorable as they are)...and well, I just don't feel like anyone's baby anything.
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04-05-2010, 12:29 PM | #7 | |
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My favorite thing is and always will be the horror and offense people take to the ever so deviant FEMME COCK heh
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
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04-05-2010, 12:29 PM | #8 | |
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Though some seem to like it. Muahahahaha.
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04-05-2010, 12:31 PM | #9 |
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BOINK. Did somebody say Femme Cock?
I love it (unless it has glitterj). |
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04-05-2010, 12:26 PM | #10 | |
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The Hallmark isle gives me hives. Sometimes all Cynthia will ask for for a holiday is a sweet card I have actually read.....eeeeeeekkkkk....I almost hyperventilate every time. My cock is blue and opalescent and named Blue Thunder!
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04-05-2010, 01:23 PM | #11 |
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i am femme. And i hate whatever i have tried to prefix to that in the past to let people know that i don't do my nails and i prefer wearing berkenstocks. Andro femme, tomboy femme, hippy femme. They all evoke looks of sympathy from people that make me then want to throttle them.
i am femme. End of conversation. But i am not any kind of stereotype. Up until i made a big career change that took all my time, i spent much of my time hanging out in bars listening to altcountry music -- a genre followed by middle aged white men. Most of my closest friends over the years have been men, and most of them straight. i was kind of one of those High Fidelity geeks except i didn't make lists and have a terrible memory. i have always disliked the statement that so many femmes put out as if to confound stereotypes -- the i use power tools in my stilletos one. i do not touch power tools, and i have never owned a pair of stilettos. i don't do a lot of traditionally femme things, mostly because those things bore me. i'd rather be reading. i may not collect shoes, but i also don't like sports. Although i used to hang out with guys all the time, when it was time for me to go home, they walked me to the car and carried my things. i am happy to be a woman and a femme. i do not love all that woman and femme mean in our culture. Some of it i don't love just because it's not me. Some of it because it's sexist and reactionary. Re D/s, i am a submissive. i love it. Most people who know me outside of leather would be surprised to hear it. i am a high school teacher. Mostly kids behave in my class because we have a relationship, but if they don't, it's not a problem. i can take care of it. Re sex, i have been with stone butches and had perfectly satisfying relationships, but i am so not a stone femme. i love to fuck women. i am good at it. i don't strap. i am an old dyke. i am good with my hands. i proudly ID as a bottom. i do not know how to use toys. Very little bores me more than long conversations about toys -- though i do take note of which ones i like used on me. But, like many masochists, i am also turned on by sadism, and i have made quite a few folks happy just using my hands and my teeth. Actually i had an old paddle i loved, but i lost it at some point. i am femme, but i also date femmes. i am in service to a butch-femme couple now. i have served femmes before. i love it. However, i do not love the "ewww" that i have heard in my community when i have said that out loud in the past. i like butches, but not all butches and not everything about butches. Some butches take my breath away. i love them for all the same reasons most femmes do. But i am not as big of a fan of the swagger as most femmes are. i prefer quiet confidence. i also do not think that because i am a queer femme that i have anything over straight women or andro dykes. i am who i am. It's awesome. They are who they are. Awesome too. i have no interest in defining myself in a way that denigrates other women. i love women. i am femme. |
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04-05-2010, 01:36 PM | #12 |
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Thank you all for bringing all of this to the site! If there is one thing I have learned since embracing my B-F identity (really a newbie compared to many), is that femmes are absolutely not to be stereotyped! Which gives me so much freedom as a butch! Must be that dance...
I am thinking about attending the Femme Conference as an ally (and a volunteer to do some grunt work) in August in Oakland. I just don't see me affording the Reunion (which does make me sad) financially. And I think it would be a very good thing for me to attend as an ally and listen to femmes tell their stories and demonstrate their diversity. And I am going to read this thread from start to finish! |
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04-05-2010, 12:05 PM | #13 |
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One thing I have learned to despise over the years is...
"No I don't want a baby girl type femme" in the same breath "Could you be just a lil more girly or femme?" makes me want to punt a juice box off their fucking neck... Folks are uncomfy or to insecure to be with a femme like myself, I don't submit, nor am I a Hallmark moment... So my femme surely does not fit that pretty lil pink demure box most people are comfy with...
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
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04-06-2010, 10:23 AM | #14 | |
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I am femme, no doubt about it but if something needs fixin' or there's hard work to be done or something needs drivin' - I'm on it, and don't you dare try to belittle or redefine me. |
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04-06-2010, 12:52 PM | #15 | |
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I went by Big Rig Jenny!
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09-07-2011, 03:19 PM | #16 |
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I am so loving this thread! So many butchs that i have dated assume that because I am femme I am submissive woman, oh how wrong they are, and I loved proving it to them, I am a switch, believe me, their are times that I love to take control in the bedroom, and sometimes out of their too. I like to tell people, just because I look femme don't think I cant become a dominant fierce woman in the blink of your eye!
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09-07-2011, 04:07 PM | #17 |
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I learned quickly not to assume that femme = bottom and that butch = top. That's probably why my description says "dorky queer femme bottom", because I know those terms aren't synonymous.
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09-07-2011, 08:56 PM | #18 | |
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When I want to be...
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Being submissive can also be a way of being fierce, because I let her have control of me when I want to. It's rather delicious. I can work on my truck, say change a tire, change the oil and filter, lube the joints, check fluid levels and such and fill as needed, but beyond that I let someone else do it. I keep my nails short and neat. When I'm out with my gf, if I feel we are threatened, I bow up ready to fight for both of us. Yes I've been in fights. Yes I had to have a CT of my head to see if I had a head injury after a fight, but I never quit. I am a fierce femme! What I'm trying to say is, looks can be deceiving and as dynamite comes in small packages, so do fierce femmes!
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02-22-2017, 05:41 PM | #19 | |
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02-22-2017, 06:16 PM | #20 |
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