StepMonsters and other scary second parenting issues

[jelli]

Originally Posted by luv2luvgirls

wow a great thread...now for my two cents

im a stepmonster have been for for so long now it feels like forever....ok here goes...might be TMI but I feel so comfortable on here you all have really made me feel welcome and I need threads like this, other perpectives and experiences if you will

I had a best bud met at work we were co workers,he had a son that was about 14 or 15 at the time..just trying to find his place in his dads life as they had just met. well the kid came to work with us and attached to me..when I hit 28 29ish I made a choice I wanted a child so I asked my best bud and he agreed to it,so as a result his son calls me his step parent we have a great relationship,after my friend passed,I was the only family my stepson had so he asked to move up here with me and his lil sister...he is about 30 now just got married and has a kid on the way...yeah I think im now going in the grandparent role soon

now on the other side of it I have been my childs only parent...she knew who her "father" was of course because of my stepson,and Dave and I (that was his name) had an understanding...im the only parent listed on her long story,but my choice.I didnt want to have all kinds of people in and out of her life...so I didnt date or do a thing the whole time...now im kinda ready to want to find someone who makes me happy and is a good fit in my life but im worried about the whole process,you know having to get to know them what if it doesnt work out ...I really dont want to show my child a crazy life at the age she is ...she is almost 10 now. any tips out there?

First of all I hope nobody, not saying you, feels like they have to justify how their family came to be. I have met many people that always feel compelled to explain as if there might be consequences if their family came about in any one way shape or form versus another. I, for one, was married to a man and had 5 children. I have no shame in that fact. I have been looked down upon for that fact. I still have no shame.Hope that made sense.

Grandparent? Me, too. Welcome to a whole new world. Do you get along with your daughter-in-law? My relationship with my DIL has been VERY tricky(even though she has lesbian aunts).

You don't want to bring craziness into your daughter's life? Ha! Good luck. We all have a bit of crazy in us. But as far as dating... so don't bring crazy around. I dated Cruel for months before she was allowed to even meet my kids. She knew of them(hell, I tried to convince her to run away from mine and my kids craziness...haha). She saw them on webcam running back and forth behind me while we talked. but we didn't do the sleep over, picnic date, "this is my friend so & so". You need time to get to know someone face to face not via the internet because if they are loons(you know we've all met a few of those) they can't hide it long. Set yourself a time line for dating etc such as 3mths. I know that might sound like ages in the lesbian life for some, but if you meet someone and they try to push that boundary - red flag.