OFOS Butches & Femmes

[firegal]

Originally Posted by Bootsandheels

This thread deserves a big BUMP and let's hope for some lively discussion as well! As a self proclaimed OFOS femme (we are a rare breed methinks) I have had some interesting experiences as of late within the last month. I was getting to know someone first online, then in person and I thought for all intents and purposes that we were dating. Unfortunately, interest in each other waned once we spent enough time together.
Save for one breakfast that I paid for, she paid for everything else with the exception of an event that I personally had invited her to that I will be reimbursing her for as she kindly got the tickets for us as I was super busy that day. What I am having an issue with is her bringing up the fact that she "paid for everything". It made me feel like I had missed some secret message that I was supposed to be paying for my 1/2 or offering to go Dutch on things. This butch KNEW I was OFOS and delighted in that fact. I also had at the very beginning ASKED if I should pay for my meal to be crystal clear that she was ok with paying. She wouldn't hear of it, even though I was more than willing. You know, sometimes, even if I am thinking we are dating when it's early days and brand new, sometimes it's nice to offer and not expect the butch to pay for everything right off the bat you know what I mean? I am very sensitive to this and always check in. I have NEVER ever EVER had a butch that I dated briefly (and no there was absolutely no sexual intimacy or expectation of that) come back at me with this statement of "I paid for pretty much everything except the one breakfast". Wow...I am a little dumbfounded and confused here. If a butch shows up on the very first meet and greet date with a bouquet of absolutely gorgeous flowers and proceeds to invite you out to dinner and invite or say let's go to....whatever restaurant/coffee place/etc. I take that to mean you are DATING ME especially if you KNOW I am an OFOS and you might not have dated an OFOS femme much in the past, but you were delighted to have found one TO date! Honestly...help a femme out here...I am just wanting to make sure I didn't miss anything! I don't date a lot and I had high hopes for this butch, but when she said that to me, it felt like she was implying that I should have been more sensitive and offered to pay for more or 1/2 of whatever she invited me to do! It's left a bad taste in my mouth and I just want to know there are OFOS butches out there that get it! I'm so selective in who I date, and I am so glad I nipped this in the bud because it was obviously going to be more thorny down the road! Please do NOT ask me who because a true OFOS lady would NEVER do that! Thank you for reading, for your input and feedback!

Yikes... will only speak for me.... ofos is rigid in those of us that claim that fame. flowers as you stated in your situation in the beginning seem to be a i wanna sex you! following their responses after that....

otherwise...

for me a OFOS or what ever just to me a friggin BUTCH wines and dines my person of interest.....any lady!

if by some chance i couldnt afford to pay for the date... i have a choice to tell such and explain i feel and believe i should pay to give her a chance for input... or crap if you cant afford it....brother dont....or get a 2nd job..

their are so many things that dont cost a arm and a leg....but due dilligence rises above!

OFOS ..... old school. I cannot speak for the more recent school... maybe it is different!

flowers...dinner ... cards... little things like candy silly gift are the easy and normal parts of ofos.....

yanno some folks dont get the OFOS part and it is always telling if they dont... the same as folks that done get the butch-femme dynamic... same as those that dont get the stone butch-stone femme dynamic....

this is why this site works for so many of us... who gets who we are.


hugs to you boots!