Caregivers and Stress

[Martina]

I am so so sick of unsolicited advice especially from "friends" of my mom's who have not offered or given any help. (Silent scream)

[flapdoodle]

9 years ago, I uprooted my life, rented out my house to move back to NY to care for my Mother.
This lasted years.
I had lost so much weight from stress, I was weak, tired, exhausted in every way.
I was moms legs ..eyes, everything. After a broken hip and other walking issues, Mom was recliner bound, unable to even get up & get into bed, but, sharp as a tack. My heart hurt watching my Mother suffer in a body that was no longer hers.

My wife and I lost our moms 4 months apart. I can wake up every day knowing I did my very best. I deal constantly with the "if I was this ..or had I done that would mom still be here", I learned I had done all I could and no matter what more i did or didn't do, the guilt of not being enough would always loom.

She became my best friend, confidant, buddy, full time job, and my child, while always being my Mom. She died in my arms, while I was wetting her lips, she smiled and drifted off knowing she was safe.

She once called me her life line.
I wish she would call me right now.

You are all amazing for what you are doing. It's the most important job you will ever have.

[Kelt]

I'm working through the documents to set up an alternative power of attorney and guardianship for my mother should something happen to me before she dies. So far I have an incredibly detailed an comprehensive medical dpoa done, good enough I've decided to use it myself as well replacing what I currently have. Don't even start me on the financials, I hope those will be ready in a week or so. This should have been done a year ago, I had to switch attorneys to get the ball rolling, I hope there isn't too much fallout because I still need the original one for some other things. I just can't leave her unprotected this long.

Since there is no family, I have to use a stranger, a geriatric care manager. I've never made such difficult decisions in my life. Trying to imagine every scenario, predict every possible hiccup, and put in place bulletproof provisions for each. It can't be done of course due to the ever present "unknown-unknown".

This is unlikely to be needed as I plan on staying alive, but this would also go into effect if I hit predetermined levels of incapacity due to disability I cannot predict.

At the same time it is getting ever more real in my own mind that I have to do this for myself as well.

There is a lot of very unpleasant thinking that has to go into all of this.

[TruTexan]

I have decided it's time to leave here. I've decided it's time for me to get MY life back. It's time for me to move on from being mom's caretaker. I love my mom, but my life is changing around me, I"m involved with a beautiful woman, and it's time I spent MY life, living it. I've decided I'm moving in with my gf.
I know it's going to be a rocky road for me to talk to my family about it, and younger sister will use manipulation and guilt trips to try to get me to stay. I can't let them put me on a guilt trip. I've done my part and it's time I lived MY life as I need to live it. I will only be at most 5 hours away, it's not like I"m 3 states away. Mom's brothers can watch over her or she can move to Tenneessee to live with my younger sister. I've done all I can and I'm burnt out and need my life back. I love mom, but it's long over due.

[Martina]

Today the oncologist used the word "dying" for the first time, referring to my mother who has brain cancer. I just can't accept it. There can't be a world without my mother in it. There is no world that I accept without my mother in it.

[dykeumentary]

For the last 10 years my life has been spiraling closer to Mom's and to being her caregiver. This summer that's all I did. Last week she broke her hip. So combined with her advanced Parkinson's, the nursing home seems to be the best option.
I'm devastated. Could I do more? Could I have prevented this? Am I letting her down if she goes to a nursing home?

[Zimmeh]

After taking care of my dad for the last ten years of his life and seeing how he was treated in a nursing home; I decided to become a certified nursing assistant and eventually a registered nurse. I will treat all of my residents with the respect and dignity they deserve. On Friday, I started working on the floor of the nursing home and started talking to an elderly woman named Betty. Her and I both agree, that the Wizard Of Oz is one of the best movies. Watching her smile at the thought of remembering watching this movie, melted my heart.

Zimmeh

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by dykeumentary

For the last 10 years my life has been spiraling closer to Mom's and to being her caregiver. This summer that's all I did. Last week she broke her hip. So combined with her advanced Parkinson's, the nursing home seems to be the best option.
I'm devastated. Could I do more? Could I have prevented this? Am I letting her down if she goes to a nursing home?

What a difficult decision you face...

I always told myself that my Mom would never be placed in a nursing home, and I was lucky we never got to that point. Well actually that is not 100% accurate...she went to a nursing home for rehab and care when she broke her hip. I ran several care homes/skilled nursing facilities, and they are mostly wonderful places.

Sometimes the decision boils down to where would she receive the best care?

Can you do it at home? Are you healthy enough, because it takes everything out of you. Do you have support? Is home the best place for her, or does it feel like you HAVE to in order to be a good child?

I hope you have help in making your choices, but it can be a struggle if you have siblings who are not on the same page, and can't/won't help.

Hang in there and do the best you can; she is lucky to have someone who cares in her life.

[Zimmeh]

I work in the rehab unit at a nursing home. It's a good feeling to watch your residents become well enough to go home. Some of our residents never leave. I make their stay a very happy one. The residents call me and my coworker the crazy aids. I hope you make the best decision, because my mom and stepdad put his grandma in the nursing home where I work. She received the best care and love until her death this past Monday.

My thoughts are with you,


Zimmeh

Originally Posted by dykeumentary

For the last 10 years my life has been spiraling closer to Mom's and to being her caregiver. This summer that's all I did. Last week she broke her hip. So combined with her advanced Parkinson's, the nursing home seems to be the best option.
I'm devastated. Could I do more? Could I have prevented this? Am I letting her down if she goes to a nursing home?