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Breakups, Lessons Learned, Healing PLEASE do not use this forum for ugliness or nasty posts. |
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12-03-2011, 06:22 PM | #41 | |
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I have to respectfully disagree. Attachment style is important, no doubt...but it is far from the only factor in attraction or relationships. I could point to numerous examples....first being my dearest friend, clearly an anxious, who's been married to the same securely attached man for over 20 years. Sure...it may mean that their relationship is more work than a secure/secure attachment...but it doesn't invalidate it. And, over time, she has become more secure herself because she is getting the stability she craves and needs. You're making a pretty absolute statement there...and implying that the only factor in a relationship is attachment style. I think there are others...like chemistry, shared values, common interests, shared lifestyle preferences... Saying that people who are securely attached would only pick another secure implies that they would be ignoring all of these other factors...which I sincerely doubt. Do you pick your relationships based on how easy or logical they are? How secure the other person is? Or do you pick someone that makes your heart sing and swell? I know how I pick. But then again, I'm an anxious....
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12-11-2011, 10:39 AM | #42 | |
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<--- secure attachment style, who may distance a bit when dating a secure/anxious attachment style, who is hys most common choice of partner.
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04-14-2012, 05:29 PM | #43 | |
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04-14-2012, 06:03 PM | #44 |
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Wow! I did not scroll back to see when I posted that Island Scout but believe it was around the beginning of October 2011.
Shortly after that post, I did meet a truly wonderful butch and fell in love! Of course, love is not a cure-all for all of the stressors that life throws at us and I have had more than my share this past month but it does help cushion your soul if it is a healthy love. We can never undo our childhood but I think I have learned enough about myself now to know when those old wounds are "acting up" and interfering with my present.
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04-14-2012, 06:21 PM | #45 | |
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Wonderful news!!! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. |
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04-14-2012, 09:31 PM | #46 | |
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I think you know the problem already seeing as how you said it. "Has anyone felt this inexplicable disconnect from feeling and your heart in general after a difficult, emotionally abusive relationship? It has been well over 2 years since I broke up with my ex and I still find myself unable to feel anything." It's a protective measure after being hurt. It will pass in time and with emotional work. It will not disappear on it's own. It's about your ability to trust. If you're nerdy, try googling oxytocin and trust or bonding. Everything one feels/emotes is based on a hormone, neurotransmitter or other trace protein.
My issue is that...I trust I will find someone to be with. It just may take many years and meeting many women. I keep adding things to my long list of requirements. And there are few available butch women in the city I live in. I'll have to import or move and I feel that importing is not really an option in my life. This is all so difficult...finding love, finding a meaningful relationship, finding someone to BE with. I wish all the best of luck. May we all be clear about our wants/needs/desires. May we all get the love we are capable of growing with. May we all find the love that makes our hearts sing and feet itch to dance at the sound of laughter. Quote:
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04-14-2012, 09:49 PM | #47 |
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"Finally, I sought therapy and began working on myself--I also had to look at what made me stay with that disgusting, lying, cheating, pig-fucker, and own my part in choosing someone like that and allowing it to go on as long as it did. Thankfully I had an amazing couple of therapists and it's been about 5 years now and it seems like a lifetime ago."
This is the best way I know to get over a broken heart. Look at all the flaws you initially ignored or swept under the rug |
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04-14-2012, 10:13 PM | #48 |
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Detox is right. I'm grateful to be able to read of the many who have seen where they have made mistakes and moved on. his is an inspiring thread.
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04-14-2012, 10:34 PM | #49 |
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lovers come and go .. but ur pride is forever . karma ))
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04-14-2012, 10:39 PM | #50 | |
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I also got help from a good therapist after about a year of being angry all the time. For my own health I had to release the anger and forgive in order to heal. Another part for me was to recognize that there was a considerable amount that was my shit and I had to acknowledge that. I have now been single for several years and , most of the time, I'm ok with that. I can still vaugely remember the thrill of being in love . lol
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01-02-2014, 05:14 PM | #51 |
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Yes. I feel like I am irrepairably broken. It hurts so much to feel that way. My heart was devastated when I was younger and somehow I've just never fully recovered. Then I got into a couple of abusive rships and that messed me up even more. I feel like there is a part of me that I'm closed off from, like it's on the other side of a wall or a veil... I can see it but I can't touch it. I would just love to be in love again, to feel that intensity of feeling, that giddiness and happiness... it makes me so sad to feel like I am shut off from that. I don't want to be! It is part of what makes me a romantic cos I dream about the Butch who will break my defences down and help me have the courage to go there again. I want that... I am also afraid. A few times in the past I have sort of looked at dating sites and stuff but quickly backed off out of fear...I've been at this about a week this is the longest stretch of time I've stuck with it lol... and I'm nervous... afraid of rejection too...
and anyway Butches don't seem interested in me... maybe I am too broken or too ugly or too smart or I don't even know... I feel like I'll never be good enough even or pretty enough or desirable enough... maybe I am too broken. I don't know. I haven't quite given up yet but I have a lot of negative self-hate talk that runs through my head a lot... sexy huh :P don't mind the pity party over here. |
01-03-2014, 07:15 AM | #52 |
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even if...
we are irreparably broken. we can still love, and be loved...
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