The Aging Community: What Are Your Plans?

Medusa · 07-06-2014, 12:22 PM

I was having a conversation with my Pops the other day about nursing homes and care at home for my Pappy (who is in his nineties). It got me to thinking about the aging Butch/Femme/Trans community and what our plans might be for advanced age.

Like, do you see yourself living independently as long as you are able? But what then? Would you ever go into an assisted living home? Would you plan to live with relatives?

Do you have any fears around aging? Do you fear losing your partner and being alone?

Let's talk about getting older and how that will affect our living situation and lives!

Corkey · 07-06-2014, 12:45 PM

I have to give this some thought. My plans are made, but the fear of outliving Ami is gut wrenching to me. I may not be able to express my thoughts succinctly.

Mel C. · 07-06-2014, 01:33 PM

Great thread idea Medusa! I am concerned about losing my independence. I see my mom (in her 70's) having issues with mobility and vision, but she has my father and me (and other relatives nearby) to help. I don't have a partner or children so I don't think that option will be available for me. Care facilities are very expensive in my area so I probably couldn't afford them. I had long term care insurance through my employers for 10+ years but now that I am self-employed, I am no longer covered. I should look into options...thanks for the reminder.

Medusa · 07-06-2014, 01:48 PM

I feel you on the aging parents, Mel.

Having to help care for my Pops over the last year and half and go through his medical issues with him has been a huge eye-opener as far as how much help folks need when they age. Even my Pappy is blind and has to have full-time live-in care or he can't cook for himself or do most basic household chores.

And Corkey, that definitely is a scary prospect. Jack and I have had a lot of conversations about what happens if one of us passes away and it scares the shit out of me to not only think about being in this world without her but of just maintaining a life and household.

I watched my Pappy lose his ability to see gradually over a period of years and it started to really go downhill when he couldnt drive anymore. Driving is one of the important things to consider when you age, especially if you live way out in the country like we do.

I have more thoughts.

Gráinne · 07-06-2014, 01:49 PM

One reason I bought the condo I did was because if need be, I could move my bedroom downstairs where my son currently resides and still have a connected bathroom. The upstairs could be for guests. That could make this place suitable for the rest of my life, if my health holds.

My dad lived on his own until his very late 80's, and then went into assisted living. That way, he had some independence but could get all his meals in the dining room, trips into the community, and most importantly, his health care. That's what I want for myself. I don't want to burden my kids if possible.

I don't fear aging in itself, only aging and becoming an emotional or financial burden.

RockOn · 07-06-2014, 03:14 PM

What a great topic, Medusa! Really makes one stop and think.

I will be 58 next month. (going on fourteen LOL!) Seriously, I will have to give it more thought before I post.

I'll be back.

MsTinkerbelly · 07-06-2014, 03:59 PM

I have given this a lot of thought since my Mom passed.

Like others have said, the thought of having to go on without Kasey makes me feel ill so this is a very emotional subject for me.

My health is sucky at best, and I'm pretty sure I'll be going first...BUT, Kasey is nearly 10 years older than i am so that's not a for sure thing. I want to live at home as long as i can, and i don't mind being a burden, as that (in my mind and family) is what you do for each other.

However, i did manage a large independent living facility for 16 years, and most of them are lovely and provide as much help and conpanionship as you need. So as an option if i outlive Kasey, that is what i would probably choose to do.

C0LLETTE · 07-06-2014, 06:26 PM

It is difficult to talk about "ageing" generally because circumstances vary so broadly but, in the extreme, for those with little or no family, no partner or none living, and few, if any, surviving close friends, the advancing isolation can be crushing; easily as debilitating as physical frailty.

Paradox · 07-06-2014, 08:18 PM

Great tread.

With my own aging parents, they are still in the their home and the children are around to aid and help with all kinds of needs i.e medical appointments, home maintenance, groceries etc.

When I reflect upon my future with my friends the situation is not as bright. I have been gradually strategizing ways to secure as much as independent future I can. Looking at independent or small group health plans (as I am self-employed), low-rise/townhouse-condos etc.

07-06-2014, 12:22 PM	#1
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,871 Times in 7,835 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	The Aging Community: What Are Your Plans? I was having a conversation with my Pops the other day about nursing homes and care at home for my Pappy (who is in his nineties). It got me to thinking about the aging Butch/Femme/Trans community and what our plans might be for advanced age. Like, do you see yourself living independently as long as you are able? But what then? Would you ever go into an assisted living home? Would you plan to live with relatives? Do you have any fears around aging? Do you fear losing your partner and being alone? Let's talk about getting older and how that will affect our living situation and lives! __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

07-06-2014, 12:45 PM	#2
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I have to give this some thought. My plans are made, but the fear of outliving Ami is gut wrenching to me. I may not be able to express my thoughts succinctly. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

07-06-2014, 01:48 PM	#4
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,871 Times in 7,835 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	I feel you on the aging parents, Mel. Having to help care for my Pops over the last year and half and go through his medical issues with him has been a huge eye-opener as far as how much help folks need when they age. Even my Pappy is blind and has to have full-time live-in care or he can't cook for himself or do most basic household chores. And Corkey, that definitely is a scary prospect. Jack and I have had a lot of conversations about what happens if one of us passes away and it scares the shit out of me to not only think about being in this world without her but of just maintaining a life and household. I watched my Pappy lose his ability to see gradually over a period of years and it started to really go downhill when he couldnt drive anymore. Driving is one of the important things to consider when you age, especially if you live way out in the country like we do. I have more thoughts. __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

07-06-2014, 01:49 PM	#5
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,818 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,011 Thanked 7,246 Times in 1,416 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	One reason I bought the condo I did was because if need be, I could move my bedroom downstairs where my son currently resides and still have a connected bathroom. The upstairs could be for guests. That could make this place suitable for the rest of my life, if my health holds. My dad lived on his own until his very late 80's, and then went into assisted living. That way, he had some independence but could get all his meals in the dining room, trips into the community, and most importantly, his health care. That's what I want for myself. I don't want to burden my kids if possible. I don't fear aging in itself, only aging and becoming an emotional or financial burden. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

07-06-2014, 03:59 PM	#7
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,958 Times in 5,020 Posts Rep Power: 0	I have given this a lot of thought since my Mom passed. Like others have said, the thought of having to go on without Kasey makes me feel ill so this is a very emotional subject for me. My health is sucky at best, and I'm pretty sure I'll be going first...BUT, Kasey is nearly 10 years older than i am so that's not a for sure thing. I want to live at home as long as i can, and i don't mind being a burden, as that (in my mind and family) is what you do for each other. However, i did manage a large independent living facility for 16 years, and most of them are lovely and provide as much help and conpanionship as you need. So as an option if i outlive Kasey, that is what i would probably choose to do. Last edited by MsTinkerbelly; 07-06-2014 at 04:02 PM.

07-06-2014, 01:33 PM	#3
Mel C. Long-time Member How Do You Identify?: WIB - woman identified butch Preferred Pronoun?: Your choice...not really a button for me Relationship Status: ♡ married 1/1/2019♡ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: San Diego Posts: 2,149 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,772 Thanked 6,840 Times in 1,621 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Great thread idea Medusa! I am concerned about losing my independence. I see my mom (in her 70's) having issues with mobility and vision, but she has my father and me (and other relatives nearby) to help. I don't have a partner or children so I don't think that option will be available for me. Care facilities are very expensive in my area so I probably couldn't afford them. I had long term care insurance through my employers for 10+ years but now that I am self-employed, I am no longer covered. I should look into options...thanks for the reminder.

07-06-2014, 03:14 PM	#6
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	What a great topic, Medusa! Really makes one stop and think. I will be 58 next month. (going on fourteen LOL!) Seriously, I will have to give it more thought before I post. I'll be back.

07-06-2014, 06:26 PM	#8
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,261 Times in 4,345 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	It is difficult to talk about "ageing" generally because circumstances vary so broadly but, in the extreme, for those with little or no family, no partner or none living, and few, if any, surviving close friends, the advancing isolation can be crushing; easily as debilitating as physical frailty. Last edited by C0LLETTE; 07-06-2014 at 06:37 PM. Reason: edit

07-06-2014, 08:18 PM	#9
Paradox Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Constant Outsider - Humanist Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Toronto - Canada Posts: 59 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 57 Thanked 191 Times in 49 Posts Rep Power: 1217576	Great tread. With my own aging parents, they are still in the their home and the children are around to aid and help with all kinds of needs i.e medical appointments, home maintenance, groceries etc. When I reflect upon my future with my friends the situation is not as bright. I have been gradually strategizing ways to secure as much as independent future I can. Looking at independent or small group health plans (as I am self-employed), low-rise/townhouse-condos etc.