Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > RELATIONSHIPS, COMMUNITY, GROUPS > Parenting

Parenting This area is for discussing parenting, adoption and anything related to raising our kids!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-12-2011, 06:49 AM   #1
jelli
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femmilicious
Preferred Pronoun?:
*she*
Relationship Status:
And you said I wasn’t your type!!!
 
jelli's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: *SC*
Posts: 836
Thanks: 1,758
Thanked 1,079 Times in 377 Posts
Rep Power: 16588547
jelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputation
Question Adult Children Moving Home

Anyone have adult children(with or without families of their own) asking to move home? If so, how did you respond? What rules did you put in place? What did you learn? What suggestions would you give to someone else in your place?
__________________

“Sometimes we make the right decision; sometimes we make the decision right.”

“Every conflict is a lesson in self-discovery for both of us. Sometimes it's only hindsight that makes it worth it. For you, I would do it all again.“
jelli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2011, 03:43 PM   #2
jelli
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femmilicious
Preferred Pronoun?:
*she*
Relationship Status:
And you said I wasn’t your type!!!
 
jelli's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: *SC*
Posts: 836
Thanks: 1,758
Thanked 1,079 Times in 377 Posts
Rep Power: 16588547
jelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputation
Default never thought it would happen, but...

The end of May our son, G(19yrs old), and his "supposedly" pregnant and recently married(17 yr old) other half moved in with us. They are supposed to stay just long enough to get some money saved and get into a place of their own.

I had her go for a pregnancy confirmation and guess what? Negative. Son is bothered by it, but states he still loves her and wants to be with her.

All I asked was for her to be taking her birth control, her Seroquel, and get some counseling. Our son has become somewhat passive aggressive with her in order to "keep the piece".

Well, I don't want to raise his wife. So periodically we have to have a "come to jesus" meeting.

Yes, drama.
__________________

“Sometimes we make the right decision; sometimes we make the decision right.”

“Every conflict is a lesson in self-discovery for both of us. Sometimes it's only hindsight that makes it worth it. For you, I would do it all again.“
jelli is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to jelli For This Useful Post:
Old 07-12-2011, 04:06 PM   #3
Blade
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
TG
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
Relationship Status:
once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am!
 
Blade's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Down on the farm
Posts: 5,492
Thanks: 9,850
Thanked 14,399 Times in 4,049 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
Blade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST ReputationBlade Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jelli View Post
The end of May our son, G(19yrs old), and his "supposedly" pregnant and recently married(17 yr old) other half moved in with us. They are supposed to stay just long enough to get some money saved and get into a place of their own.

I had her go for a pregnancy confirmation and guess what? Negative. Son is bothered by it, but states he still loves her and wants to be with her.

All I asked was for her to be taking her birth control, her Seroquel, and get some counseling. Our son has become somewhat passive aggressive with her in order to "keep the piece".

Well, I don't want to raise his wife. So periodically we have to have a "come to jesus" meeting.Yes, drama.

Jelli I think it is hard anytime you have a family member move in with you, not just an adult child. However yes my son came back home for a short period when he was 24. I told him the rules were still the same as always. He stayed about 2 months and got a job and moved out. I've always been a strict parent and they know I mean business and I command their respect.
__________________
Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce?

The best way to predict the future, is to create it.
Blade is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Blade For This Useful Post:
Old 08-05-2011, 08:39 PM   #4
jelli
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femmilicious
Preferred Pronoun?:
*she*
Relationship Status:
And you said I wasn’t your type!!!
 
jelli's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: *SC*
Posts: 836
Thanks: 1,758
Thanked 1,079 Times in 377 Posts
Rep Power: 16588547
jelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputation
Default Enough is enough...

Our son, Garrett(19), married *J* just over 2 months ago, in Michigan, because she claimed she was pregnant. He did/does care about her, but stated he did not want kids nor would he have gotten married. He was trying to do the right thing he claimed.

Once married they relocated here with us. this was for Garrett to get a good job, save, and get a place of their own. Since they've moved here this girl has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster. She supposedly is bipolar or BPD. Totally disruptive, but then can go to miss sweet and innocent butt kisser in the blink of an eye.

Regardless of the amount of assistance and resources you give her she fails to do anything with them unless you call her out. Then she will temporarily appear to be getting her poop in a group, usually long enough for you to be distracted/forget, and then the cycle repeats. we have had so many conversations, family meetings, etc. it goes nowhere, but in a circle.

Lies, blame, snarky, temper tantrums, not saving a dime, trying to get info on Garrett's accounts(his company called him to verify), truly seems like she is 5. Their accounts are separate because he believes she stole a coin that he had and gave to her addict family.

Garrett knows she had lied on more than one occasion about circumstances, but the pregnancy and emotional side put it over the top. He called MI and they stated he would have to discuss with an attorney to even find out if he qualified for an annulment or if he would have to get an attorney for a divorce. Spoke to a local attorney and she mentioned about SC being a no contest state and that they would have to live apart one year before he'd ever see a courtroom.

He wants to send her back to Michigan relatively soon. Soon as in by Sunday.

He plans to do this in a way that there may potential for her to step up and take responsibility for herself and her actions. The ball would be in her court to do the things such as counseling, meds, birth control, school, etc to see if she is actually serious and committed. They can get together periodically to check progress. If not, then they're still been living apart like they would need for a divorce.

I explained you can do whatever you want your relationship/marriage, but you can't do it here because I do not choose to live with her anymore.

I feel bad for him. All he was trying to do was 'the right thing' since she was 'supposedly pregnant'.
__________________

“Sometimes we make the right decision; sometimes we make the decision right.”

“Every conflict is a lesson in self-discovery for both of us. Sometimes it's only hindsight that makes it worth it. For you, I would do it all again.“
jelli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2013, 10:27 AM   #5
Peach
Member

How Do You Identify?:
femme
Relationship Status:
happily married
 
Peach's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: where my hat is
Posts: 173
Thanks: 69
Thanked 641 Times in 129 Posts
Rep Power: 5775546
Peach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Since there is no baby on the way (if I read it right) then ask them to move out. Make sure your son is taking responsibility for birth control, she does not seem capable, and might keep trying to get pregnant to tie him to her still. He should have insisted she pee on the stick and prove the pregnancy before marrying her, but....water under the bridge now. Make sure he keeps his eyes open to her!
Peach is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2013, 10:29 AM   #6
The_Lady_Snow
MILLION $$$ PUSSY

How Do You Identify?:
Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
Iconic Ms.
Relationship Status:
Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles
 
The_Lady_Snow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ** La Reina del Sur**
Posts: 22,488
Thanks: 32,231
Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873
The_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST Reputation
Exclamation Yikes!

Speaking of preggo tests..

Today I learned that you can buy +preggo tests on craigslist..........

<-- my why am I not cross posting face...
__________________
"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden


The_Lady_Snow is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to The_Lady_Snow For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 10:36 AM   #7
Breathless
Brat Extraordinaire

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Happy
 
3 Highscores
Tournaments Won: 23

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Alberta Canada
Posts: 1,412
Thanks: 7,549
Thanked 4,101 Times in 958 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
Breathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST Reputation
Default

!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of preggo tests..

Today I learned that you can buy +preggo tests on craigslist..........

<-- my why am I not cross posting face...

that is ewwwwww super gross, and wrong on sooo many levels!!
__________________
BE the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi
Breathless is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2013, 10:44 AM   #8
Peach
Member

How Do You Identify?:
femme
Relationship Status:
happily married
 
Peach's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: where my hat is
Posts: 173
Thanks: 69
Thanked 641 Times in 129 Posts
Rep Power: 5775546
Peach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I heard this on the news yesterday. i have to say, if I were a guy, who needed proof of pregnancy, knowing this, I would insist on seeing the pee on the stick actually happen. What people won't do these day eh?



Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow View Post
Speaking of preggo tests..

Today I learned that you can buy +preggo tests on craigslist..........

<-- my why am I not cross posting face...
Peach is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2013, 12:20 PM   #9
Amber2010
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Happy, Crazy, Bubbly, Funny, Strong, Outgoing, Friendly
Preferred Pronoun?:
Femme
Relationship Status:
Complicated
 
Amber2010's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 200
Thanks: 920
Thanked 594 Times in 154 Posts
Rep Power: 3787183
Amber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST ReputationAmber2010 Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I am not sure if this counts but I have three kids two older girls and one son. Well the son is getting ready to turn 25 and is still living at home. Yes he was in college and does pay his own bills but it can't be healthy to live at home.
I do understand the way things are out there and how hard it is to take care of yourself. If it was better I would have been gone long ago. pfft
I just wonder how kids now a day can call themselves adults and still live at home and have the parent or parents take care of the?
Amber2010 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Amber2010 For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 01:08 PM   #10
Peach
Member

How Do You Identify?:
femme
Relationship Status:
happily married
 
Peach's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: where my hat is
Posts: 173
Thanks: 69
Thanked 641 Times in 129 Posts
Rep Power: 5775546
Peach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST ReputationPeach Has the BEST Reputation
Default

do you charge this man, and he is a man, not a child, rent? Does he pay his own bills, groceries, all that? if not, present him with a bill, and an eviction notice, let him choose, pay, or go.
Peach is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Peach For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 03:08 PM   #11
DapperButch
Roadster Guy

How Do You Identify?:
FTM, Stone Butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
DapperButch's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Northeast
Posts: 7,745
Thanks: 26,545
Thanked 26,896 Times in 5,773 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858
DapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amber2010 View Post
I just wonder how kids now a day can call themselves adults and still live at home and have the parent or parents take care of the?
A hell of a lot of kids. In my experience, it is many more boys than girls who do this.

That wasn't an option for us. When TF's son decided to decisively throw away a (pretty much free) 4 year college education after his freshman year, he expected that he would just live at home and continue to work his part-time job and "take a year off in order to figure out what he wanted to do".

This was a no go. Instead, this is what you will be doing, dear boy:

1)You need to get full time hours at current job/a full time job/part-time jobs equaling full time hours within 3 months.
2)You need to pay ____ amount of rent when you get a full time job and until then, you need to pay ____ amount (percentage of income).
3)After getting the full time job we will talk about setting aside so much from your pay check per month and then we will determine how many more months you will live here.
4) You will then move out.
5)If you do not get the full time hours at current job/get full time job in 3 months, you are on the street.

He decided to join the military instead of working full time. Works for us!

Kid heads to boot camp on 9/9/13!

I'm pretty confident that after he gets done with the Army in 4 years he will be mature enough to want to not live with his parents.
__________________
-Dapper

Are you educated or indoctrinated?

Last edited by DapperButch; 09-06-2013 at 03:14 PM. Reason: fixin' shit up
DapperButch is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to DapperButch For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 04:49 PM   #12
Martina
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
***
 
Martina's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: ***
Posts: 4,999
Thanks: 13,409
Thanked 18,369 Times in 4,171 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
Martina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Rent in the South Bay, where I live, has gone up over 9% in less than a year. It went up the year before. We live in the fifth most expensive city in the U.S. $1700-$1800 is at the bottom of the market for a one-bedroom.

Many students and young workers simply cannot afford to move out. A lot of young people literally have no place else to go than to stay with their parents whether they work full time or not. It is simply not possible to live on what many young workers make in this area.

As a teacher, I am almost priced out of the market. I make a lot of money because I have three Master's degrees. But I am near the bottom of the housing market here.

It's a big big deal and getting to the point that it is affecting the very corporations who have helped create the problem. Good workers, who are not their high paid superstars, are turning down companies' job offers because they don't want to pay what it costs to live here -- especially for what you get (It's NOT San Francisco in terms of culture -- so not -- and it's not a drop dead gorgeous place to live -- endless strip malls).

Working class and middle class young people are screwed if they want to stay here. Their paycheck is a joke in the face of the housing market.

They can buy food and keep a car, but they cannot house themselves. Some college students and young working people live in apartments with five and six people in them, but most people don't want to live like that, and landlords don't want tenants like that.

Point is that it's not that shameful for young folks to live at home here. Where else are they gonna live? I would not send my kid to live in the hood, and, hell, it's not that cheap there.
Martina is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Martina For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 05:09 PM   #13
cricket26
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
she
Relationship Status:
must be love on the brain
 
cricket26's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,582
Thanks: 969
Thanked 4,250 Times in 1,297 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849
cricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputationcricket26 Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I am so happy to see this thread...I have been dealing with this issue for several years...my partner and I have been together about 7 years...in 2006 I helped her get custody of her son..her daughter was already living with her...and I moved in...my children lived with their father...so it was me, my wife, her two kids full custody...my kids visited holidays...in 2008 her daughter went off to college and we had full time custody of her son...my daughter also got married in 2008...in 2009 my son graduated HS and went away to school to Arlington about an hour away....in 2010 her daughter moved back in with us...we had just bought a home...she said she needed money for a car and was going to take a year off from school to buy a car...her son lived with us full time, my son was in college, and my daughter was married...in 2011 her son graduated HS and went away to college in denton about an hour away...and her daughter moved out to go to school online...and work...

now it is 2013, her daughter is living with us full time while she student teaches, her son is here weekends, my son is in graduate school, and my daughter is separated from her husband...my children have never lived under the same roof with me after I divorced their dad...part of this is because the lifestyle I chose, part of it was logistics....but...we have always had at least one of my partner's children living with us...am I wrong to resent this...am I bad person...this is causing a huge strain on my relationship...any advice would be helpful
cricket26 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to cricket26 For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 07:16 PM   #14
DapperButch
Roadster Guy

How Do You Identify?:
FTM, Stone Butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
DapperButch's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Northeast
Posts: 7,745
Thanks: 26,545
Thanked 26,896 Times in 5,773 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858
DapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST Reputation
Default

cricket,

It sounds like a lot. It would be hard for me, but everyone is different. For me, the determining factor would be if the child:

a) had to live with us due to environmental factors such as Martina described or disability

b) The child was there for a specific purpose/time frame and was following through. For example, if he/she is saving for a house and actually saving the amount discussed per month for said house, it wouldn't be a problem.

It is when an adult child is choosing to not work/function as an adult, than I have problems. Giving our kids a leg up is great, enabling them to stay on crutches, is not.

ETA: In terms of advice, the obvious...talk to your partner about how you feel.
__________________
-Dapper

Are you educated or indoctrinated?
DapperButch is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to DapperButch For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 08:49 PM   #15
Ginger
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme lesbian
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: East coast
Posts: 2,416
Thanks: 5,829
Thanked 12,310 Times in 2,057 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
Ginger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I sort of wish I'd had a kid when I was young. I wouldn't mind living with her or him now. (shrug) I mean assuming they weren't dependent on me, but rather, it was a truly shared household. I don't see the harm in that.
__________________
Reach out.
Ginger is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ginger For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 09:00 PM   #16
MsTinkerbelly
Timed Out - TOS Drama

How Do You Identify?:
...
Preferred Pronoun?:
...
 
MsTinkerbelly's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ...
Posts: 6,573
Thanks: 30,737
Thanked 22,960 Times in 5,020 Posts
Rep Power: 0
MsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by IslandScout View Post
I sort of wish I'd had a kid when I was young. I wouldn't mind living with her or him now. (shrug) I mean assuming they weren't dependent on me, but rather, it was a truly shared household. I don't see the harm in that.
This!

I loved living with my Mom and my family later in her life, and i enjoy living with my soon to be 20 year old now. Many cultures revere family life, and many generations live together.

Yes i want my child to be strong and independant when it is the right time, but i am going to enjoy every minute i have before she goes.
MsTinkerbelly is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to MsTinkerbelly For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 09:19 PM   #17
Kelt
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Beach Butch
 
Kelt's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,751
Thanks: 19,765
Thanked 15,382 Times in 2,541 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
Kelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly View Post
This!

I loved living with my Mom and my family later in her life, and i enjoy living with my soon to be 20 year old now. Many cultures revere family life, and many generations live together.

Yes i want my child to be strong and independant when it is the right time, but i am going to enjoy every minute i have before she goes.
I think this raises an interesting point. The conversation thus far has focused on traditional American thinking of the last hundred years or so. Other countries and cultures view this subject very differently.

I live in a very culturally diverse town. People from all over the world. Particularly when it comes to Asian and Middle Eastern countries. Next-door to me is a family originally from the Philippines who have lived in their home for 30 years and there are three generations there, it is because they want it that way. Another family bought a house across the street about a year ago, it is a multi generational Chinese family. Two months ago house three doors down just changed hands, it is a four generation family from Iran. All of these families are doing it by choice, as their culture dictates, and additionally they're able to pool their resources.

I believe this is very different than what we have been discussing so far. I am not advocating for slacker kids looking for a free ride and the people I'm describing are not at all like that. Everybody works, and hard, at whatever the role is in the household.

I think sometimes it is a good idea to step back and remember that the United States is not the world, and that the way our economy and the world's economies are shifting may force us to change some of our current living situations. What we have here, with one person per apartment and one generation family homes, is a first world choice.

Not trying to derail the thread, I just wanted to toss another perspective in there.
Kelt is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Kelt For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 09:33 PM   #18
Gráinne
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Neither, nada, out of the box
Preferred Pronoun?:
My name always works
Relationship Status:
Happy whatever happens
 
Gráinne's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Little Rock
Posts: 1,818
Thanks: 2,010
Thanked 7,247 Times in 1,416 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
Gráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST ReputationGráinne Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelt View Post
I think this raises an interesting point. The conversation thus far has focused on traditional American thinking of the last hundred years or so. Other countries and cultures view this subject very differently.

I live in a very culturally diverse town. People from all over the world. Particularly when it comes to Asian and Middle Eastern countries. Next-door to me is a family originally from the Philippines who have lived in their home for 30 years and there are three generations there, it is because they want it that way. Another family bought a house across the street about a year ago, it is a multi generational Chinese family. Two months ago house three doors down just changed hands, it is a four generation family from Iran. All of these families are doing it by choice, as their culture dictates, and additionally they're able to pool their resources.

I believe this is very different than what we have been discussing so far. I am not advocating for slacker kids looking for a free ride and the people I'm describing are not at all like that. Everybody works, and hard, at whatever the role is in the household.

I think sometimes it is a good idea to step back and remember that the United States is not the world, and that the way our economy and the world's economies are shifting may force us to change some of our current living situations. What we have here, with one person per apartment and one generation family homes, is a first world choice.

Not trying to derail the thread, I just wanted to toss another perspective in there.
Yes! I live next door to a Chinese family (immigrants): a young couple in their 20's, their 1.5 year old son, and (probably) the husband's parents. Now and then, other relatives seem to live with them for awhile. This was the same pattern I found in China itself, in much smaller apartments as well.

My students and I got into a discussion about this topic, in fact, and they were amazed that the "goal" for most American teenagers is to grow up and move out into their own place. Not many American women really want to live with their mothers-in-law; it was just the "done" thing there, whether you liked your MIL or not. From there, we got into topics such as treatment of the elderly and family migration to other cities. There's all kinds of factors.

Strangely enough, as far as I know, the problem of the slacker adult child living perennially in the basement doesn't exist. Everyone pitches in. Next door, the grandparents watch the baby several days a week while the young couple work.
__________________
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck
Gráinne is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Gráinne For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 10:02 PM   #19
DapperButch
Roadster Guy

How Do You Identify?:
FTM, Stone Butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
DapperButch's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Northeast
Posts: 7,745
Thanks: 26,545
Thanked 26,896 Times in 5,773 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858
DapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Yes, I actually wrote about (but then deleted) multi generational/ inter-generational households. I decided it was a different topic and didn't want to muddy the waters! Funny it was brought up by someone else!
__________________
-Dapper

Are you educated or indoctrinated?
DapperButch is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to DapperButch For This Useful Post:
Old 09-06-2013, 10:22 PM   #20
PoeticSilence
Member

How Do You Identify?:
*dodges labels*
Relationship Status:
Estranged
 
PoeticSilence's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 454
Thanks: 3
Thanked 924 Times in 277 Posts
Rep Power: 10661583
PoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST ReputationPoeticSilence Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I suppose I feel more like the Europeans do about family. I would have all of my children at home with me. I don't care if they pay rent. I don't care if they eat what's in the cabinets or do their laundry in the basement. All that really matters to me is to have them close and to share my life with them. I don't come from the kind of family that lives long, and extended family is something I never really had. I would never say go to a Laundromat, or do my laundry since you are down there, or anything like that. I would never turn my children out, because why have them spend the coins on rent somewhere else, when there's space here. How could I not make space for my own child? Even the child I share with my exgf? Or my wife's children. I never expect them to need a place to stay when they can come home. My children all do their own laundry, and choose to. They all pretty much buy their own food. The happiest days of my life would be when all the kids are around the dinner table and the meal is steaming in the center of the table.

I realize I'm not the norm in that ideology, but I've already lost so much time with most of my children, why would I waste anymore? I think it takes a special person to be able to love and accept your children for who they turned out to be and to be willing to always shelter them and care for them when they need it, or even when they do not. If they want to live on their own, I can accept that, but if they want to move home, they all know that I am dying for the privilege of sharing space with them.
__________________
Love is all you need.
PoeticSilence is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to PoeticSilence For This Useful Post:
Reply

Tags
adult children, moving, parenting

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:06 AM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018