A Community Request

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Nat

I ran across this today and thought it was advice I could use. So I thought I'd share.

"Disagreeing agreeably requires two behaviors up-front and one more as a refinement. The two required behaviors up-front are:

1. Acknowledge the other person's idea is valid.
2. Assert that your position is different. Not better, just different.

The refinement that helps you avoid a defensive reaction is to keep listening to their idea longer than you normally would. Ask questions. Be curious. Really hear them out.

If you can accept that the disagreement of others doesn't diminish your ideas, then you can afford to be patient and generous."

- Tom Henschel

I think the 2nd point is an important one. I think we often confuse disagreement with someone trying to "look better" or make ourselves feel like we're inadequate or something like that.

Thanks for posting this, Nat.

[Medusa]

Bumpity Bump!

Hey folks -

Please read the first post in this thread! This is a thread centering around the request for our community to be super welcoming to newbies and also to lay down our defenses if someone appears to say something clumsy or that you feel offended by.

Many times, people are merely speaking from their place and they don't have the long history of language and definers that we all have with one another and I'd hate for someone to feel unwelcome for not phrasing something correctly or in the framework of "how we do things 'round here".

Let's all remember that this Planet is only as good as we make it and that our bubbles of experience here on the Planet are not "the" experience. We all come from different places and we can learn just as much from newbies as they can learn from us.

Thanks to you all who make this a welcoming and diverse place!

xo

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Bumpity Bump!

Hey folks -

Please read the first post in this thread! This is a thread centering around the request for our community to be super welcoming to newbies and also to lay down our defenses if someone appears to say something clumsy or that you feel offended by.

Many times, people are merely speaking from their place and they don't have the long history of language and definers that we all have with one another and I'd hate for someone to feel unwelcome for not phrasing something correctly or in the framework of "how we do things 'round here".

Let's all remember that this Planet is only as good as we make it and that our bubbles of experience here on the Planet are not "the" experience. We all come from different places and we can learn just as much from newbies as they can learn from us.

Thanks to you all who make this a welcoming and diverse place!

xo

Time to bump the donuts....

[AtLast]

Always a good reminder-

Originally Posted by Medusa

Bumpity Bump!

Hey folks -

Please read the first post in this thread! This is a thread centering around the request for our community to be super welcoming to newbies and also to lay down our defenses if someone appears to say something clumsy or that you feel offended by.

Many times, people are merely speaking from their place and they don't have the long history of language and definers that we all have with one another and I'd hate for someone to feel unwelcome for not phrasing something correctly or in the framework of "how we do things 'round here".

Let's all remember that this Planet is only as good as we make it and that our bubbles of experience here on the Planet are not "the" experience. We all come from different places and we can learn just as much from newbies as they can learn from us.

Thanks to you all who make this a welcoming and diverse place!

xo

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Admin

Hello all,

I wanted to take a minute to talk a little bit about the growth of our site and how you as a community member can help keep ThePlanet a warm and welcoming place.

We have a LOT of new members lately. Many of these new members are ALSO new to the Butch/Femme dynamic and many of them have never been a member of any kind of social internet community. Some of the new folks are trying to figure out if this community will fit their needs, how they identify, and where their desires are leading them.

I want to ask each of you to please understand that with the introduction of so many new folks on our website, that you might need to take some extra time to help a newbie understand what some of our terminology means or how to better navigate the myriad of ways that we all identify. Please be extra patient with folks who might be at the very beginning of their journey and try to remember where you were and how you felt when you were brand new to your identity or to the online world.

I also want to request that you take the time to *ask for and provide clarification* in conversations where someone may have inadvertently used an incorrect identifier for you or someone else or made an unglamorous or clumsy statement. Please stop and ask yourself if it is possible that the person might merely be new or if they might not yet have familiararity with your personal way of being.

Many of us have known each other online for 5 or even 10 years. Some of us for 12 or longer! I think that sometimes we forget that ThePlanet is bigger than our personal bubble of experience. That we need to embrace people who come to this community in search of family, friends, or fuckbuddies. That we need to welcome the diversity of new ideas, new experiences, and even new ways of identifying within the Butch/Femme dynamic and Trans communities.

There are a great number of younger people joining this site and even people from many different countries. We can learn just as much from them as they can learn from us and I hope that we all will remember that as the weeks and months spread out before us.

When Jack and I decided to go ahead and do this damn thing and started gathering people and ideas, we never imagined that ThePlanet would actually work as well as it is working. We never imagined that almost 10 month later we would have 1300 members, be getting ready for a Reunion, and be looking at a long and bright future.

This community is such an important space, not because we built it, but because all of YOU built it. I am amazed every day when I wake up and see another 10 members have come and joined this space. I am amazed when I see people reaching out across fences to connect. I am amazed that we are actually doing this. Together.

Im not asking you to be all woo-woo or make glittery kittens shoot from your nether-regions. I am asking you to remember the love. Remember how you felt or would have felt the first time someone said to you, "Hey, you're ok just the way you are!" or "Hey! I get it!"

Please join me in helping keep ThePlanet a healthy and welcoming space for everyone who is already here as well as those who find their way here. I beleive we have the most amazing community here and believe that we have the ability to affect change right here every day. So let's do that!

Thank you.
Admin

We proved in Little Rock that we can do this in real time. When you forget how to do it in cyber, read this again. Or, read this Reunion 2011 thread to recall/learn what it means to be this way in face-to-face AND cyber. And read every word on every page. Love you. Me.

[Apocalipstic]

I wish there was a way to keep this thread and these reminders front and center!

[Medusa]

Bumpity Bump Bump!

[WolfyOne]

I happened to see Medusa bumped this thread just before I left for work this morning. I was hoping when I came back from work, I'd see some new posts here and read what was on the minds of others. Is there no one that hasn't posted in this thread interested in adding their 2 cents. I happen to think community is important. Especially for those of us that don't really have any around us where we live. Also, with the Reunion coming real soon, many of us will get a chance to see and meet those that have been posting in this community. Those that have voiced their opinions in many ways. Those that aren't as bold, but feel what they write in a post may help another. Those that post that may have different opinions than others. Just know, everyone that posts in threads matters to someone here, even if another comes and corrects you or asks you to explain yourself. We have such an awesome community here at The Planet and I for one, always look forward to reading what others write anytime I'm in any thread.

So, to the newbies and those that have been here awhile or forever, lol...please post, I want to read what you hagve to write.

[BullDog]

Well said Wolfy. I am very happy this thread has been bumped. I believe very strongly that new people should be welcomed and given the chance to get their sea legs.

We were all new once, and most people do not have a lot of real time butch femme community where they live. Those that do often find out about these communities or groups of friends from being on a site like this.

If someone seems harmful you can give a heads up to the owners and moderators. Otherwise why not just give people a chance and time to get the hang of things. Community is important for all of us.

[lusciouskiwi]

I've never seen this thread before so I'm glad Admins, Wolfy, BullDog and Arwen have bumped it.

I know for me I signed up and just sailed in, forgetting about cultural differences - I feel that sometimes there's an assumption that we all share the same cultural information. We don't. I don't. And, if a member doesn't seem particularly knowledgeable, it doesn't mean that they don't know anything.

Anyways, I'm happy to be here, made friends (I think - hope!). Certainly learnt some new stuff which is especially great living in a conservative country with inconsistent and hostile censorship regulations.