Bed Side Preference and Dominance

[Bard]

I usually sleep nearest to the door. But tend to roll to my left side now that my shoulder allows it. But really if she wanted that side I can be persuaded. I have always preferred to be near the door. . Just in case ya know the only time I wasn't was in our old apartment strange.. ahh well

[Kätzchen]

My preference for a social life in bed centers primarily upon getting some rest (sleep). If it also includes a delicious variety of entanglements , then I would feel delightfully content.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I'm still Dominant, still slept well and feel no different, tonight I'm flipping and sleeping with my feet towards the headboard and will allow the bed to be occupied!


See y'all tomorrow!

[princessbelle]

What an interesting thread. Isn't it intriquing to read someone's thoughts and think...what in the world? It makes ya think though.

I'm still a little unclear which is the right side or which is the left. Is it facing the bed or in the bed? I believe this was asked but the only answer i could find was a reference to right handed people sleep on the right (if dominate). I didn't quote that because that wasn't the exact words.

So, I'm thinking it is the right and left while actually in the bed. So, in that case, i would be a lefty. Which, if the theory is even partially correct, would correlate with me being a submissive. And, now that i think about it, ive had a left handed partner that indeed slept on the left and i was on the right. So, i'm thinking the hypothesis would be pretty true for me.

And actually it is more about left/right than about the door. The door could be anywhere, still the same on the side of the bed that i sleep on.

Very interesting.

Leave it to me to be a normal statistic.

[RockOn]

When partnered, I have to sleep on the side which puts me between her and the bedroom door. The reason is because if an intruder breaks in, I feel I am better positioned to protect her and get "at" the intruder faster. I have always had a very protective nature. It's my job.

Generally when single, I am sprawled all over and just try not to mash a dog. Lately, I am doing good to crawl in between dogs and hope I can stake out enough wiggle room for myself. Jennifer (pocket - pittie) doesn't take up much real estate but Kevin (100+ lbs. mastiff-bully mix) likes the middle half of the bed. I have often thought about getting him his own twin-size bed.

[MasterfulButch]

To clarify, I was working on the basis of being in the bed. Personally I find it more fun that way than standing looking at it. So yes, anyway, the right from the perspective of lying in the bed with your head on the pillow.

[diamondrose]

Iv always slept furthest from the door

[NitroChrys_Butch]

In bed, it would be the left side.

It is also closest to the door.

Our bed, with its massive wall unit surrounding the king-sized bed, is centered on the wall with about two feet on either side. The wall unit has built in compartments and night stand tops that drop down with built-in lights. It is very cool. With drawers on both sides under the mattress.

I have always slept closet to the door and I suppose it was a subconscious decision to protect whomever. Now I protect My wife. With My life. God help the stupid SOB that comes into our home.

The nice thing about this wall unit is is the secret compartment that houses two loaded guns. It is always locked but the key is within easy reach.

[ahk]

Interesting stuff-

For myself- I really don't give a crap what side I sleep on. For the past 6 years I've been on the left side of the bed- except for a small period when I had hand surgery on right side and I needed to trade. When I was all healed, back to the left I went.

I am nearest to the door, the bathroom, I'm left handed but dominant in my right, I tend to sleep on my stomach so neither side sleeper, but tend to face out to the left, not much a cuddler, unless we've had 2am sex or a weird dream. Our lil fuzzy butts sleep in their assigned areas of bed. Go figure.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Do people really have a lot of strangers coming into the house in the middle of the night?
Its just nothing I ever worry about. It's only happened twice in my life and both times it wasn't just one person subduing the guy, it was all of us. Save the one calling the police.

But in either case, it didn't matter what side of the bed any of us were on. We were all needed.

And it's just nothing I ever worry about. I asked my mates, out of curiosity, and their answer was no. Save two people we had some anxiety issues. But these are all people in vancouver, Calgary, toronto, london, oxoford, amsterdam, koln, and Christchurch.

Is this a states thing? Or?

[RNguy]

I prefer to sleep closest to the door and I strongly prefer to be the outer spoon holding whoever I'm in a relationship with .

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Do people really have a lot of strangers coming into the house in the middle of the night?

Its just nothing I ever worry about. It's only happened twice in my life and both times it wasn't just one person subduing the guy, it was all of us. Save the one calling the police.

Priceless (and so spot on).

You know (N.) Americans, and the legacy of thought that we always need to be at the ready to defend ourselves (mostly seen in places where there is the least amount of crime). We all have our shotguns next to the door, too.


(IC, thanks for the bursting out laughter this morning. Your delivery was great.)

[randrum]

It's funny. I never thought about this until reading this thread. But I do have a side of the bed.

When sleeping with a partner, I've always slept nearest to the door. Just sort of naturally (unconsciously) gravitated there.

But currently only my dog shares my bed. And I have noticed (and commented to other people) that he always positions himself between me and the door. Guess he thinks it's his job to protect me.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Do people really have a lot of strangers coming into the house in the middle of the night?
Its just nothing I ever worry about. It's only happened twice in my life and both times it wasn't just one person subduing the guy, it was all of us. Save the one calling the police.

But in either case, it didn't matter what side of the bed any of us were on. We were all needed.

And it's just nothing I ever worry about. I asked my mates, out of curiosity, and their answer was no. Save two people we had some anxiety issues. But these are all people in vancouver, Calgary, toronto, london, oxoford, amsterdam, koln, and Christchurch.

Is this a states thing? Or?

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Priceless (and so spot on).

You know (N.) Americans, and the legacy of thought that we always need to be at the ready to defend ourselves (mostly seen in places where there is the least amount of crime). We all have our shotguns next to the door, too.


(IC, thanks for the bursting out laughter this morning. Your delivery was great.)

Dapper, I'm surprised at you!

cupcake, it depends on where you live. Sure, some people have a 'protective' instinct regardless of gender or identity but I imagine it comes down to life experience for many.

Some live in high crime areas, so yes, an intrusion might be a possibility. You yourself said it's happened to you twice. As an adult, it has not happened to me at all. *knock on wood*

Also, I would imagine there's the emotional and psychological component. In a lot of situations, especially with butches, FTMS, transguys and others who do not or could not 'hide' their orientation, prejudice plays a part. We all know that people will often step to our partners, brothers and sisters and be ugly with hate. It can promote an 'us vs. them' mentality which may play into it.

I know that I am fiercely protective of my personal space. It's my adult womb, I guess you could say. And, for many, the core of that womb is the bedroom. It's a place of intimacy and vulnerability that we share with our life partners. Who wants an uninvited someone to penetrate that sanctity?

I hope I'm making sense.

[imperfect_cupcake]

But even though it's happened twice I highly ever doubt it would happen again. And my butch partners don't seem to feel they have to protect me in their own home. I did say I asked all my friends who aren't americans and no, none of them say it crosses their mind. London has some very high crime rates. No one there that I'm friends with thinks about this.

I'm going to assume this is an American thing I won't get.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I find it to be a one dimensional, binary, sexist, machismo kind of thing... I don't subscribe to things that put women, feminine, Femme in weak like spotlight.. When I go to sleep the last thing I do is make it about my natural Dominance, I just wanna go to sleep... Where I sleep isn't going to deter a person who is breaking and entering.. It's not the way I roll, so what others do isn't a priority until generalizing happens and when Dominance gets thrown around into very stereotyped generalizations..


As Dapper stated it could be as simple as being in defensive mode at all times, it's like being in the hood 24/7, even then I'm like how many of us do live that experience, cause in reality one's to busy surviving to worry about Dominant status, if the ghetto birds are flying over us after gun shots, Dominance isn't the main issue, making sure the house is on lock down is first thought..

Hope that makes sense

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Do people really have a lot of strangers coming into the house in the middle of the night?
Its just nothing I ever worry about. It's only happened twice in my life and both times it wasn't just one person subduing the guy, it was all of us. Save the one calling the police.

But in either case, it didn't matter what side of the bed any of us were on. We were all needed.

And it's just nothing I ever worry about. I asked my mates, out of curiosity, and their answer was no. Save two people we had some anxiety issues. But these are all people in vancouver, Calgary, toronto, london, oxoford, amsterdam, koln, and Christchurch.

Is this a states thing? Or?

[The_Lady_Snow]

I'm not sure how being a butch, Transguy or FTM fits this bed behavior.. I've not had someone tell me that because they are xyz I gotta sleep in the submissive side of the bed, I'd laugh and would have to remind whomever that I'm WAYYYYY stronger (cause I normally am) than anyone...

How did you come up with those statistics? I'm curious...

This whole bed thing is interesting, cause the bed is for sleeping, fucking and I've yet to equate it to my hood, safety, or Dominance..

Unless... Bullets are flying then furniture placement is important, but hell even then bullets pierce walls, ain't no Dominance in the world that's going to stop a bullet without someone getting hurt or killed..

[TruTexan]

For ME and ME ONLY, it's because of my up bringing, it's natural thing for me to sleep on the side of the bed nearest the door. I don't like anyone coming into my personal room without being invited. Yes, there are a lot of break-ins in the US and I"m sorta fearful of that. Whether I'm partnered or not, I still sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door, I can hear better towards the rest of my apt. I sleep with my door open as well. When I had my dog for 12 yrs, he slept in the door way of my bedroom and the living room which was nearest the front door. FOR ME, it's become a security thing since I was a child. I'm a natural caretaker, and I would feel better knowing that I'm closest to the door incase someone did come in uninvited. I had that happen when I was 18 and living on my own in an apt. The neighbor downstairs , a young woman, was intruded upon during sleep and was raped. The rapist came back to our apts and broke into my apt front door by removing the slatted window glass on my door. I met him coming into my bedroom, standing behind the door holding a bat in my hands, waited for him to step into my room and bam, I beat the hell outta that guy with my bat. Then when he was unconscious, I called the police, and they arrested him for breaking and entering on my apt. They later called in the young woman downstairs to a line-up to see if she could ID him as her rapist...........She did. She wasn't home the night my apt. was broken into, but I'm sure that guy had a headache the size of Texas when I finally stopped beating his ass.
There is for ME , a huge reason I stay in protected mode most of the time, it has to do with how I was treated as a child and teenager growing up. Abuse is that very reason. So, because of that, I still live in protected mode and can't stand to NOT know my surroundings at all times. I know it's not everyone that sleeps near the door that has MY reasons, each of us has our own reasons. Just because you asked a few friends where you've lived that said no, doesn't mean there aren't others in London and other places you've lived that wouldn't say Yes. I don't know what it has to do with Dominance , it doesn't for me. It's just a protective thing.

My brand of dominance says fuck sleeping nearest the door I'm putting my personal, skin covered draft excluder between me and the door, maybe at the door!

[Femmadian]

With all due respect, I think it's particularly cold to
1) Make fun of people for not feeling safe in their community and
2) Make fun of them for the ways they choose to protect themselves and the people they love

Obviously, as Gemme said, people's reactions to this will be coloured by their own personal experiences and different people just react differently to the same situations. If you don't feel the need to protect yourself like they do, fine, but have a little respect.

I don't think it's wholly an American thing. I know several couples, both same and opposite sex ones, in my Canadian neck of the woods who sleep in a certain position or proximity to the door in order to protect the ones important to them should the need arise. As far as I know, for them it has nothing to do with sexual dominance. While some of it does seem to fall on traditional gender or sex roles, I think a lot of it just has to do with one person recognizing that they're bigger, stronger, whatever and better able to fight off a would-be attacker than the person beside them. My mother did this with me when she was a single mother and we shared a bed. I did the same for my younger sister when my mother worked nights and it was my place to be the responsible, protective one. It doesn't mean that the protective person looks down on the other person or is acting out some macho role playing. In my experience, it just means that a desire to protect those who are important to you or not as physically strong as you (which is not in and of itself a value judgment and not something I believe needs to be skewered).

Furthermore, one thing I think people are perhaps overlooking is that not everyone has faith in their local police force. Many of us, through personal experience, have come to realize that the police in our communities cannot be relied upon and are often the aggressors, not the saviours the culture would sometimes have us believe. Just in my local community, an officer was recently given his job back after being charged with abuse of resources, assault, false arrest, and threatening to personally decapitate someone he thought was involved in a break-in at his house. I have had friends who have been dismissed and even laughed at when the police thought they were out of earshot when they came to report their rapes. I know people personally who have been beaten so badly by rogue police officers that they were hospitalized with broken bones and concussions. We have the highest rape rate and the lowest conviction rate in the country and the police response to peaceful protestors in a neighbouring community was so abhorrent it made international news and was even shown on Democracy Now.

Do I trust them to protect me if I need them in that environment? Fuck no.

Your backyard is not my backyard.