Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > GENDER AND IDENTITY > The Femme Zone

The Femme Zone For all things "Femme"

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-04-2011, 10:04 PM   #41
Martina
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
***
 
Martina's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: ***
Posts: 4,999
Thanks: 13,409
Thanked 18,367 Times in 4,170 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
Martina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST Reputation
Default

People will ID you as lesbian even if you are feminine if you are alternative. i do not have an alternative look. i couldn't do it if i tried. i so resent the people over the years, butch, femme and andro, who have given me that holier than thou look meaning YOU can't be one of us.
__________________
"No matter how cynical I get, I just can't keep up" - Lily Tomlin
Martina is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Martina For This Useful Post:
Old 12-04-2011, 10:15 PM   #42
ruby_woo
Member

How Do You Identify?:
queer femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
her/she
Relationship Status:
single
 
ruby_woo's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 427
Thanks: 1,848
Thanked 1,941 Times in 376 Posts
Rep Power: 17615391
ruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I definitely feel everyone on the femme invisibility issue- unless I'm seen with my butch partner, I know I'm assumed to be something I'm not until I tell that person otherwise.

That said, in the 11 years I've been ID'ing as femme, I can't recall anyone ever telling me I can't be a dyke, you're too girly, you must also date men, etc. Sure, they were surprised when I first told them, but pretty much it ended there.

I know this happens, I've heard about it from femmes here and on other sites, I just wonder if I got lucky or something?
ruby_woo is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ruby_woo For This Useful Post:
Old 12-04-2011, 11:14 PM   #43
*Anya*
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,816 Times in 7,290 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby_woo View Post
I definitely feel everyone on the femme invisibility issue- unless I'm seen with my butch partner, I know I'm assumed to be something I'm not until I tell that person otherwise.

That said, in the 11 years I've been ID'ing as femme, I can't recall anyone ever telling me I can't be a dyke, you're too girly, you must also date men, etc. Sure, they were surprised when I first told them, but pretty much it ended there.

I know this happens, I've heard about it from femmes here and on other sites, I just wonder if I got lucky or something?
I have never had anyone tell me I must date men. Parents came close to a few "shoulds". I have had straight guys tell me I didn't "look like" a lesbian, guess because I am femme and I have had straight women be surprised.

I did give some laughs to a couple of butches at the door of an old lesbian bar called The Happy Hour during the late 70's when I came out, when the majority of lesbians were in a more androgynous phase, than femme. I showed up dressed in full femme and they acted like I took a wrong turn on the freeway but that was the only time lesbians ever acted like that towards me.
__________________
~Anya~




Democracy Dies in Darkness

~Washington Post


"...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable."

UN Human Rights commissioner
*Anya* is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post:
Old 06-09-2012, 01:18 AM   #44
yotlyolqualli
Member

How Do You Identify?:
submissive femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
moving forward and not looking back... anything is possible!
 
yotlyolqualli's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 242
Thanks: 1,206
Thanked 1,271 Times in 184 Posts
Rep Power: 21357558
yotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputationyotlyolqualli Has the BEST Reputation
Default the scenario

My sister and I are sitting at my Aunt's table. They are drinking coffee, I am drinking my preferred hot drink, peppermint tea. The conversation goes as follows.

Aunt Jane: Malissa, I've known you all of my life. You're not gay.
Me: stunned silence.
Aunt Jane: Besides, I've been with women and it's fun, but it's just a game.
Me: stunned and somewhat grossed out.
Aunt Jane: Besides, your Uncle John (she provided me with 6 uncles, Uncle John being the last one) used to do "that" (oral sex) to me all the time when we first got together, now he doesn't. What are you going to do when "she" (abstract woman) doesn't do it any more?
Me: stunned, horrified, grossed out and pissed off.

I didn't know how to answer her and still be respectful of her position in my life. She was my Mother's only sibling and I knew damned well what Mother would have wanted me to do, and so I did. I smiled, seethed silently, drank my tea and proceded to ignore her.

I now know what my answer should have been.

Next scenario. Sitting in a church room with a woman who used to be my spiritual mentor. The conversation went as follows.

Sharon: Missy (I do not like that nickname, but Mother gave it to me. I prefer Lissa, or Malissa...lol) Missy, are you with someone now?
Me: No.
Sharon: You mean you're not having sex with another woman?
Me: No. (At the time, I was NOT seeing anyone)
Sharon: Well, if you're not having sex, then you're not a lesbian.
Me: thinking, WTF??


Seriously? So, if some single heterosexual person is not sexually active, then they are not really heterosexual?? And, news flash to my Aunt (She's in heaven now, so I have to be nice) Oral sex is just ONE of many different ways of having sex with another woman.

Besides ALL of that.... I resent the entire idea that being a lesbian has ANYTHING to do with sex. I am not a lesbian because I have sex with women. I have sex with women, because I am a lesbian.
__________________
~Love is a verb~
yotlyolqualli is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to yotlyolqualli For This Useful Post:
Old 06-09-2012, 04:19 AM   #45
Quintease
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Rainbow femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
princess
Relationship Status:
Married
 
Quintease's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 514
Thanks: 508
Thanked 1,816 Times in 417 Posts
Rep Power: 10345576
Quintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by yotlyolqualli View Post
I am not a lesbian because I have sex with women. I have sex with women, because I am a lesbian.
That. Apparently (according to a friend of a friend) gay Italian girls are told to marry boys anyway as ''They can always fake it''. Clearly it's better to be normal than to be happy.

I think there is still a real stigma against heteronormative women behaving in non-heteronormative ways, an underlying belief that we are deliberately rebelling against nature rather than being the women society expects us to be.
__________________
It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
Quintease is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Quintease For This Useful Post:
Old 06-10-2012, 10:06 PM   #46
Martina
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
***
 
Martina's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: ***
Posts: 4,999
Thanks: 13,409
Thanked 18,367 Times in 4,170 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
Martina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST Reputation
Default

i have to say that butches are some of the worst offenders re making me aware of my invisibility as a lesbian. They have been so stared at for so long that some of them are pretty prickly. So when a straight looking woman looks at them, they often return some pretty nasty looks.

Not fun to be given that look by someone you are admiring. i don't know what it is like to be harrassed all your life for being a dyke. i know it's much worse than what i am complaining about. For one thing it includes the potential for violence.

But i sometimes wish butches were a little more gracious when a straight looking woman gives them they eye. So many just assume we're STARING at the lesbian. Well i may be staring, but it's not cause i am appalled that yer a dyke. ANyway, high end problem i know. But when i get those looks, i get pissed. i actually YELLED at some baby butch who gave me a withering look for noticing her, "I was a dyke before you were BORN, sister." Sorta ashamed to admit that. But i had just had my fill of that shit.
Martina is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Martina For This Useful Post:
Old 06-11-2012, 06:16 AM   #47
Quintease
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Rainbow femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
princess
Relationship Status:
Married
 
Quintease's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 514
Thanks: 508
Thanked 1,816 Times in 417 Posts
Rep Power: 10345576
Quintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martina View Post
"I was a dyke before you were BORN, sister." Sorta ashamed to admit that.
Ha ha, I have been tempted .. Kudos to you.
__________________
It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
Quintease is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Quintease For This Useful Post:
Old 06-15-2012, 03:38 PM   #48
Nadeest
Member

How Do You Identify?:
as myself
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Single
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Leesburg, FL
Posts: 595
Thanks: 2,876
Thanked 2,118 Times in 501 Posts
Rep Power: 17077996
Nadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST Reputation
Default

@ Martina How did she react, when you told her that?
Nadeest is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2012, 09:16 PM   #49
Midnight
Member

How Do You Identify?:
stone butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her
Relationship Status:
Married to the most beautiful girl in the world
 
Midnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: The back of beyond
Posts: 304
Thanks: 579
Thanked 482 Times in 176 Posts
Rep Power: 5305538
Midnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martina View Post
i have to say that butches are some of the worst offenders re making me aware of my invisibility as a lesbian. They have been so stared at for so long that some of them are pretty prickly. So when a straight looking woman looks at them, they often return some pretty nasty looks.

Not fun to be given that look by someone you are admiring. i don't know what it is like to be harrassed all your life for being a dyke. i know it's much worse than what i am complaining about. For one thing it includes the potential for violence.

But i sometimes wish butches were a little more gracious when a straight looking woman gives them they eye. So many just assume we're STARING at the lesbian. Well i may be staring, but it's not cause i am appalled that yer a dyke. ANyway, high end problem i know. But when i get those looks, i get pissed. i actually YELLED at some baby butch who gave me a withering look for noticing her, "I was a dyke before you were BORN, sister." Sorta ashamed to admit that. But i had just had my fill of that shit.

I'm surprised at this attitude by other butches. When a woman is checking me over, straight or not, sneering look or not, I'll always smile at them and be polite.
Midnight is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Midnight For This Useful Post:
Old 06-18-2012, 05:46 AM   #50
Quintease
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Rainbow femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
princess
Relationship Status:
Married
 
Quintease's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 514
Thanks: 508
Thanked 1,816 Times in 417 Posts
Rep Power: 10345576
Quintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I too know someone, who upon being caught perving on a young butch, was very hurt when the girl not only assumed my friend was straight, but rudely told her so.
__________________
It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
Quintease is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Quintease For This Useful Post:
Old 06-18-2012, 04:55 PM   #51
Midnight
Member

How Do You Identify?:
stone butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her
Relationship Status:
Married to the most beautiful girl in the world
 
Midnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: The back of beyond
Posts: 304
Thanks: 579
Thanked 482 Times in 176 Posts
Rep Power: 5305538
Midnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST Reputation
Default

That's terrible! It seems that it's the young ones that are giving us a bad name. Older butches know to assume everyone is gay unless told otherwise
Midnight is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Midnight For This Useful Post:
Old 06-18-2012, 05:09 PM   #52
Midnight
Member

How Do You Identify?:
stone butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her
Relationship Status:
Married to the most beautiful girl in the world
 
Midnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: The back of beyond
Posts: 304
Thanks: 579
Thanked 482 Times in 176 Posts
Rep Power: 5305538
Midnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST ReputationMidnight Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Just wanted to add that I'm sorry for stepping into femme space. I was just appalled at the actions of those butches.
Midnight is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Midnight For This Useful Post:
Old 06-18-2012, 05:46 PM   #53
Quintease
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Rainbow femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
princess
Relationship Status:
Married
 
Quintease's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 514
Thanks: 508
Thanked 1,816 Times in 417 Posts
Rep Power: 10345576
Quintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnight View Post
That's terrible! It seems that it's the young ones that are giving us a bad name. Older butches know to assume everyone is gay unless told otherwise
I don't think its just the butches, I think femme visibility is also weighted towards the young. How many people do you know who complain that being recognised is almost impossible as you get older, or come out as an older woman, or even just have kids! It seems lesbians are just as susceptible to falling prey to stereotypes as straight people.
__________________
It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
Quintease is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Quintease For This Useful Post:
Old 06-18-2012, 07:45 PM   #54
Martina
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
***
 
Martina's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: ***
Posts: 4,999
Thanks: 13,409
Thanked 18,367 Times in 4,170 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
Martina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadeest View Post
@ Martina How did she react, when you told her that?
i guess a little chagrinned but then kinda scared that she got yelled at.
Martina is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Martina For This Useful Post:
Old 10-11-2017, 07:51 PM   #55
lisa93
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
femme
 

Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: maryland
Posts: 31
Thanks: 0
Thanked 20 Times in 10 Posts
Rep Power: 7
lisa93 is on a distinguished road
Default

That's the most disrespectful shit femmes have to deal with
lisa93 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:19 AM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018