Taking a Risk to Visit Someone You Met Online

I've met quite a lot of folks through the internet too. I must be honest and confess that the motivation on both sides is generally, initially, carnal rather than social...on the whole.

It has been my experience that time spent on instant messengers, telephone, skype et al, builds a 'false intimacy'. It can appear that [we] know each other far better than [we] actually do.
Action speaks louder than words. Consistency and longevity of action speaks volumes and can only be found in spending real, 3D time together, in my experience and opinion.
When I was dating frequently I learned to meet up quickly so as to avoid the false intimacy and inevitable, almost subconscious, building of expectation of who I thought they were.

[WildHorses]

Daktari,

I think your approach is just my speed. Just rip the band aid off already. If it works good, if not that is good as well.

I know everyone is not comfortable jumping in.

Originally Posted by Daktari

I've met quite a lot of folks through the internet too. I must be honest and confess that the motivation on both sides is generally, initially, carnal rather than social...on the whole.

It has been my experience that time spent on instant messengers, telephone, skype et al, builds a 'false intimacy'. It can appear that [we] know each other far better than [we] actually do.
Action speaks louder than words. Consistency and longevity of action speaks volumes and can only be found in spending real, 3D time together, in my experience and opinion.
When I was dating frequently I learned to meet up quickly so as to avoid the false intimacy and inevitable, almost subconscious, building of expectation of who I thought they were.

[anaisninja]

I'm not ashamed to admit that the better part of my motivation to meet was carnal. And no, that never happened either. Shit.

I agree about meeting IRL sooner rather than later, and when I date online locally that is always my goal.

My intention in this case was to meet 6 weeks after we started chatting. However, due to intervening circumstances, we ended up meeting after about 4 months instead.

My expectations were definitely inflated, and I should've known better. This was not my first rodeo. I met my ex-husband online almost 20 years ago, when the internets were brand new. There wasn't even video chat back then. I was in Texas and he was in Vancouver, BC. We waited 6 months to meet and, except for one minor issue (the one that split us up - sexual incompatibility - d'oh!) it was a smashing success. I suggested all my friends should date this way, because you get to know each other from the inside out.

Then I did again about 8 years ago, and it was a disaster. I swore then that I'd never let it happen again.

How did I let this happen again?

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by anaisninja

How did I let this happen again?

Because you are human and we all crave love and sexual connection (not necessarily in that order).

Be kind to yourself.

[JoSchmooze]

The word I see most often here is expectations.
Sometimes expectations become such that nothing
else matters. We expect that the carnal will happen,
we expect the chemistry to be there, we expect that
this "one" will be "the one"....

It happens because expectations don't match reality....

[starryeyes]

I have met some of my best friends online (specifically on this site) I also have formed several relationships too. In my community, butch-femme really isn't around so meeting people online gives me an outlet to my community that I desperately need! Have I met some creepers?? Absolutely. But, I have also met people I will love for the rest of my life. As long as you are safe, follow your gut and make sure you have someone you can call incase things go bad, I say go for it. There is so much potential and a whole other world you can reach online. It's pretty incredible!

Originally Posted by JoSchmooze

The word I see most often here is expectations.
Sometimes expectations become such that nothing
else matters. We expect that the carnal will happen,
we expect the chemistry to be there, we expect that
this "one" will be "the one"....

It happens because expectations don't match reality....

I agree totally Jo. Even when we think we have no expectations we generally do, but they're masked by a layer of denial

ExMrsD and I didn't really have time for expectations beyond what promised to be a crackin' shag ...we met within a fortnight of getting each others details on a UK bf site through an ex. We always said we were having the longest one night stand in history.

The time I felt hurt most, and felt most used by, was one that had, apparently, good reason after good reason not to meet for several months. I found out why afterwards...she was still seeing her alleged ex. Expectations built during many, many hours on the phone and online.
Sadly, the reality definitely didn't meet the expectations.

It's also my experience that there can be more than one great love or grand passion for everyone. I've been lucky enough to have had two thus far...with fun fillers in and around them. I sure don't rule out another.

Keep the faith

[BrutalDaddy]

Originally Posted by anaisninja

BrutalDyke and femmsational - I assume you two are a couple?

I'm glad it worked out for you.

Now please send me some of that magic good-lovin karma you obviously have in order to have made such a long-lasting match. Hand it over!

Thanks again for your supportive words.

You assumed correctly, hence the "serving 25 to life with no possibility for parole" tagline I have under relationship status. Lol.

In all honesty, I believe it was a mixture of dumb luck and fate.

Dunno about good loving karma but I do know there are several couples on this site who've been together for 5 years or more. Seriously warms my heart too.

Used to be a non believer in the whole "true love" shit but it's out there. Just a matter of when the dumb luck/fate bit will kick in is all.

Best advice I can give you is make sure the person is your best friend as well as your lover and just breathe, it'll happen when it's meant to happen.

Again, good luck to you.


Brute.

[Nadeest]

I've met one lover online. Unfortunately, it didn't last, as I finally figured out that men just wouldn't work for me, but he and I are still good friends. I have also met some good friends online, including people that I ended up living with, for a time.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by anaisninja

BrutalDyke and femmsational - I assume you two are a couple?

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

You assumed correctly, hence the "serving 25 to life with no possibility for parole" tagline I have under relationship status. Lol.

I find it interesting when people assume that everyone knows of their couplings, even if they don't have the person's name listed on their relationship status.

Not directing this towards you, Brute, it is just something I have noticed many times, which I find curious.

I am the opposite. I tend to assume that people DON'T know who I am partnered with, unless they know us as personally. I always speak to my audience as if they don't know.

I find it interesting that people assume that even members who don't know them, would know who their partner was. I see it as common happenstance.

/random ramble