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Old 07-05-2012, 12:16 AM   #1
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Default Can a poly/mono work?

Question to the community:

Do you believe, and if so, what is required for a poly person and a mono person to maintain a long term romantic love relationship?

FYI on me: romantically heart monogamous, with multiple long-term committed leather relationships that may or may not involve sex and/or BDSM at any given interaction and when I attend leather events I often "trick" which means I may have some form of leathersex. All sexual encounters that are not with committed individuals are using safer sex. Tricks, though wonderful folks, are no threat to my leather family and/or the one who is first in my heart.

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Old 07-05-2012, 03:43 AM   #2
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Good post and interesting thread.. I myself ID as poly, the girl that I am dating does not ID as such. We've talked a LOT about it and she knows where my heart lies.. With her.. I also have a very dear friend and lover that I have been involved with for almost 4 years. They know of one another and respect and trust my feelings for both of them..

I think that any kind of relationship can work, as long as all involved are open and honest about where motivations lie and when something just doesn't feel right.. I encourage both of my partners to talk and to share with me how they feel and I check in often when I want or need to about where I am feeling and what my needs are.

That being said, I am not looking for any other deep relationships.. I don't have any other sexual partners, but ifI find drawn to someone, I would check in with my girl first.. the man I see and I's relationship is different.. He is poly, my girl is not.

I guess my point is that it has been working so far, lol.. Lots of communication, transparency, and honesty. I look forward to seeing how others feel about this topic.

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Old 07-05-2012, 05:26 AM   #3
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i feel it can work if all parties are open, honest and do not have underlying issues/agendas/feelings that are unknown to the other parties.

i think we all have a poly heart in some way, in that we are capable of loving more than one human being (polyamourous) but how we interact with others is where the real work comes in.
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Old 07-05-2012, 11:01 AM   #4
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i'm polyamorous and both of my partners are monogamous - one by circumstance (he's just never really felt the need or desire to date anyone else since we've been together - we've been together 7 yrs) and one by choice/disposition (he never planned to date anyone polyamorous and has no interest in it, but we fell in love and he's been really accepting of it - we've been together 1 yr).

the things that have been most important for us are open and honest communication...c., my partner who defines himself as being monogamous, had never really been in a relationship where that had been encouraged before. and the other thing is addressing it when jealousy comes up. usually it's around the idea that he's not enough for me, or i might find someone else and want to leave him, etc. so we've had a lot of conversations about breaking down those ideas/fears.

i'd love to date someone who is also poly, but with a few exceptions, i have always ended up with monogamous people. and it's worked pretty well in my long term relationships
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Old 07-05-2012, 11:28 AM   #5
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I believe anything can work if there is complete honesty and communication. When people fail to communicate and cannot be honest, that is when trust is lost and things fall apart. It is hard to gain trust back once it is broken.

My experiences with the people I have been involved with that id as poly have not been successful because they were not honest with me or kept things from me, which I consider to be dishonest when we have agreed to being forthcoming with anything that might hurt either one of us.

I was clear out in Wyoming once, with no way to leave or get home when I got an ”oh by the way” announcement that I shoukd have been told about a month sooner. And while it might not be a big deal to some folks, I felt deceived and the weekend was not very good. I am very clear about honesty and what it means to me. I don't need details, but I I do need to know something is going on.

I hope that makes sense.
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Old 07-05-2012, 12:05 PM   #6
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To be honest, I don't know, yet, if I am poly or mono. The first person that I dated, after I started transition was poly, however, and he got me started thinking about this sort of thing. He and I talked for quite a long time, online, as we lived a distance from each other, unfortunately. In the end, it was the distance and my financial inability to go see him that ended that relationship, not the fact that he was poly.

I think that it might be able to work, but I also think that it would take a lot of openness and communication between both parties to do it.
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Old 04-20-2017, 03:21 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by girl_dee View Post
i feel it can work if all parties are open, honest and do not have underlying issues/agendas/feelings that are unknown to the other parties.

i think we all have a poly heart in some way, in that we are capable of loving more than one human being (polyamourous) but how we interact with others is where the real work comes in.
bumping this right here. i still feel this way.

this life is work, hard work. But i love it.

i do not believe that anyone one person could be my end all, be all. They could surely be the love of my life, my one true love, my *person*, my Master, my soulmate, my whatever....... but no one being could be my everything.

Nor could i be their everything. There is no reason why we can't enjoy things in another loving relationship that we cannot enjoy with our person.

Sex is a prime example, there is much that i am just not into, and don't want to be. If my person wants to experience those things with someone else, and still bring to our relationship everything that got us to that point, why should they not?


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Old 04-20-2017, 04:48 AM   #8
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I think it can work for others just not for Me... I am a 1 woman kinda Guy and I am very open about that with My partner... it comes down to communication and openness...
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Old 04-20-2017, 03:17 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaddyChrisCo View Post
I think it can work for others just not for Me... I am a 1 woman kinda Guy and I am very open about that with My partner... it comes down to communication and openness...
and of course that is just great, but you know not to get involved with poly folk, we are wired much differently.
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