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Old 08-15-2013, 10:14 AM   #61
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Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

they kept saying "bach, bach, bach"!
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Old 08-17-2013, 01:26 PM   #62
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I worked at my part time job last night and saw my client who loves corny jokes. I read her jokes from this thread - most of the ones on page 1 and some from page 2 because we were on a roll... we were both laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes!


Here's the one she told me that started out our fun fest...

Q: Why did the prisoner take a shower?

A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Old 08-17-2013, 01:56 PM   #63
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'What's wrong with Murphy?' asked Father Green. 'I don't know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn't stirred since,' said Mrs Murphy.
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Old 08-17-2013, 02:11 PM   #64
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An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?'
Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'
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Old 08-19-2013, 06:18 AM   #65
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I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
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Old 08-19-2013, 02:23 PM   #66
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what do you call a fake noodle?

an impasta!
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Old 08-19-2013, 04:57 PM   #67
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What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.
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Old 08-21-2013, 08:59 AM   #68
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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.
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Old 08-22-2013, 04:05 PM   #69
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
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Old 08-24-2013, 06:53 AM   #70
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I worked at my part time job again last night. My favorite resident and I read pages three and four of this thread. We had quite the giggle fest!

Thanks gang for all the funny contributions!


Here's the one the resident told me last night:

Q: Is chicken soup good for your health?

A: Not if you are the chicken!
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Old 08-26-2013, 08:55 AM   #71
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"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
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Old 08-26-2013, 09:04 AM   #72
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ok so I made paper puppets one time and my corny joke was

Daughter: did you get a hair cut
Me: no I got them all cut

(hey she cracked up laughing , that's all that counts)
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Old 08-27-2013, 02:53 PM   #73
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Q: So why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
A: To get a long little doggie.
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Old 08-30-2013, 09:04 AM   #74
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Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
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Old 08-31-2013, 07:15 AM   #75
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I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar'. I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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Old 08-31-2013, 04:58 PM   #76
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Q: What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?
A: You look a little pail.
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Old 09-04-2013, 03:54 PM   #77
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What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
Decalfinated.
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Old 09-05-2013, 04:12 AM   #78
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I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!
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Old 09-21-2013, 12:32 PM   #79
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I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt.
Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins.
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Old 09-26-2013, 09:44 AM   #80
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My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"

Being the kind hearted man that I am, I thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her."

So we walked past it again.
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